Look at me and tell me who do you see
I'm not the know one you know
Nor have I ever been
I'm a not a hero, I'm mystery

I'm a soul searching for answers
Searching for dreams to come true
A girl searching for her destiny
Trying to be somebody new

Finding solace in the little things
Little achievements and hopes
And in the big romances
Big gestures and adventures

Some of us were never made
For tranquility, stability
For calmness and quiet tides
Some of us were made for giant waves
For thunder storms and hurricanes

I never backed down from a wave
That's not I how I was made to be
And I think you should know
That's quiet was never for me

It's going to be hard
But I'll never give up
It might break your heart
But believe in me
One day  you'll see this girl
Being who she is

Here I am again
Stuck in between
Stability and losing my mind
I don't know what is best
Usually it's less
Than what's happening behind the scenes
I wish I didn't find you so keen
It'd make this easier
But I'd end up sleazier
That's something I don't want
Even though sometimes I have that front
I want what's best
I'm told that I should take rest
From all these guys
That want a piece of pie
I know that much is what's really best.
Taking time to find stability
In your arms I find that capability.

A day, a day, past.

How strongly one’s emotions can affect mentality.
The constant reassurance of stability is about as crippling as the entity of emotion itself.
How long can one suffer in the ocean of sentiment before they eventually drown?
The aspect of progression through the soul is subtle, faint and bleak.
Nostalgia disturbs through inducing wistful affection;
Upon recalling a warm memory and feeling utterly cold.

Resurrected from the salty chuck.
I awoke with the absence of instinctive regret;
To think a shadow burdened my day,
Until I no longer wished for another.

a glance
   a word
      a gesture
         a little sigh
      a formula
    the neighbor’s greetings
  the train schedule
a note on your door

quite clear to understand
not long ago
now seem to foster
strange significances

the code for
unequivocal interpretation
   no longer works
ambiguity hovers in mid-air

you hesitate    and ponder
before you speak
begin to choose words carefully
   hoping
   against your knowing
that this would make them clearer
yet feeling that it does not really matter
that whatever you say

may be received quite differently
from what it is meant to convey

likewise
what you hear and see
appears to lack precision
   possible meanings
   proliferating connotations
   of irony, deceit, hidden aggression
threaten to shroud familiar sense
make you question old axioms
in fearful apprehension of unperceived realities

signs of a loss of self?
your brain dissolving?
senility approaching before its time?
or just too much of that foie gras and cabernet
the night before?
will it be gone tomorrow
    with bright sunshine and blue skies
or darken your remaining days
    under leaden clouds of doubts and insecurity?

Or is all this just a reminder
that you should take
   nothing
for granted and that
the only constant in life
is
change?

           * *

Stability at last
Peace of mind is finally achieved
I can stand still in this vast sea
Balance and calm as any other
So what's the whispering in my ear
Why do I glance behind me one too many times
What impending wave do I have to fear
No not terror or fright I think this discomfort
With my heart being at ease
Because I have to wonder if this is really me
A boy so engulfed and accustomed to tragedy, pain, and loss
To a man that stands tall and collected among the most daring adventures
Who is it that I see in the mirror these days
Is it really me can I maintain my identity when nothing is shaking
Perhaps this isn't who I used to be
And maybe just maybe that's okay
To stand eyes forward and head held high
Even as the rain spits in my face

C.N. / Words written in the sky that is my mind

Society is a paradox
body shaming those who are
"too thin"
or
"overly thick"
Everyone lives behind a
plastic bubble
known as social media
lacking authenticity
& practicality
*** is nothing but a "game"
and dormancy is encouraged
while being fit & healthy is the ultimate title
If you believe in something you are told to proclaim it
unless it's not what the world wants you to say
Are these really social norms?

It is selfish but
we long for stability.
Someday, we will die.

© Matthew Harlovic

I long to travel,
but for a place to call my own.
I wish to find true love,
but for solidarity.
I dream of spontaneity,
but of stability.
Everyday, nostalgic,
but dreaming of tomorrow.

Praying for simplicity,
if not for contradiction.