Stab me. Do it again.
I'm so tired of living in this place where people bend what's already broken trying so hard to fix it but only to make it worsen it's so funny how hard this **** is; after being brought into a world you can't say no to you're forced to go on living in it only to wait for it to end and sure you'll have good experiences mixed in with the bad; and happiness mixed in with the sad too and heaven forbid you try to exit because apparently that is cowardly; wrong in the end most are too scared to even attempt... It's just funny.

Only yesterday that your glass blew
The flame was burning untouchable
The disk spinning fast, un-reversible

No home in a town so inhospitable
A world where questions are daft
Drafted to unravel an inbuilt psyche

I stand out in the jungle countryside
Strumming listening to “wild world”
Each rhythm a wavy walk on a path

Steps and strolls always sidetracked
The poppy field faded in sheen redness
When it turned cold and bled sourness

It was me who was left by the riverside
I sat by the bank and dreamed away
Then viewed my mirrored reflection

Melted in indecisions and intricacies
Extreme ongoing cognition appraisals
Silenced in the sound of the stillness

The flash of the grassed field called me
Embraced me as I paraded on the verge
A resolving embrace of a stab erased

I plead not to be understood or wanted
For these riffles are fixated on our heads
Bolted in our thoughts, wants and desires

The countless tears that trickled to my lips while reading your letters. Pearls thrown to swine every time I spoke my thoughts to you.  There wasn’t a day that had passed that I didn’t miserably breathe your name

Pleading for mercy you said the same words that I once spoke to you.

Now you’re gone, departed before a red right hand...

The look you gave me tonight was the look I’ve always truly wanted from you. A look of helplessness. Hopelessness. Breathlessness.  The way I always looked at you.

Now my shivering silver blade is the only friend I have left...

I  say my last goodbye to that cold permanent expression on your face. One last time.

“If i can't have you my dearest, no one can”

Nothing stays, nothing lasts, not even my moods. Funnily enough because that used to be the only consistent thing.

I want things to stay, I want to stay.

One moment I feel like crying, I feel like screaming, I feel like punching, I feel like dancing I don't even know the words in my head so I have no clue how I'm concocting any words on my fingertips.

I am so obsessed about my fingertips because of how I write. Probably because their motion keeps my heartstrings from breaking.

I want to go home and I want to spend all day with him. I didn't even intend on making this romantic but its all I want. I am so tired. so tired of these tears and pain and whatever the hell is going on with me. My impulses keep pulling me away and apart and left and right, but I know when I sit still for a second all I want is him but my synapses are trying to take that from me and I hate them.

I hate them for always ruining everything. Before I always just let them but I don't want this I want this to stay I want to see him thirty years from now lying next to me.

Its a twisted mediocre life when I want to stab myself, I have to destroy  my thoughts, just to live and that's sick.

I just want to go home. I want to cuddle up in bed and be safe. I need help. I need medicine. But no one will give me any of it and I'm so sick I'm dying. I'm losing me.

I need help.

He stabbed me in the back
And **** ***** me.

A lover?
No. Love itself.


-- Eleanor

Keep on
stabbing my heart ‘til no part of
it is unbroken anymore.
I know
only then will you stop.
Or
do you plan on stabbing the same holes
twice?

she can look you in the eye
and stab you in the back
carry out a conversation
and still she keeps on track
she's just an evil being
and she knows how to attack
always watch her closely
or she'll stab you in the back

you know that when this woman dies
the devil will be cryin'
for it won't be long till she's in charge
and it will not take much tryin'

to make sure that she gets there though
they'll bury her face down
she's got the devil running scared
there's a new sheriff in town
she knows just one direction
that's why she'll be face down
she's got the devil running scared
there's a new sheriff in town

she'll cut you once and you'll bleed twice
you'll be under the bus
this woman is plain evil
she isn't one of us
she'll slice you , you'll say thank you
because she does it with no fuss
she'll cut you once and you'll bleed twice
because she isn't one of us

she's got the devil running scared
the grass dies where she walks
the devil will be unemployed
you know she's lying when she talks
she's the most evil vile being
they''ll put her face down in her box
she's got the devil running scared
this one's as crafty as a fox