I know one day
The other foot's gonna drop
And I'll be underneath it
In my final resting spot
Do my deeds, both good and bad
Stick with me through the rot?
Will I be chained to the scene
Or get too haunt a plot?
Will I recognize the deity
Deciding if I'm good enough or not
I wonder what happens
To every thought I've thought

©2024

I sit to write this poem and what do I see?
The paper holds a spot of blood
Better inspiration there couldn't possibly be
More accurate metaphor for who I've become

I remember how the planet buzzed when I felt alive
Wrote fun about simpler subjects
Now notebook is the only safe space to confide
Slew of hidden horrors
Stories
Regrets

I remember each
"what if"
I let slip away
I'm feeling low
Their ghosts drop by
Taunting with foggy images of wasted yesterdays
Thrown away to get high

My back pressed against a wall
Words I hate to admit are true
Guess I was wrong after all
Said people don't change but they do

Do I still take your breath away or has that power expired?
Leave me to my own devices because I’m growing tired
And for a little while you lead me to believe you’re done
Until the moment I start losing interest in which direction your feet run
And I say I no longer care but we both know it isn’t true
Honestly I do not give a ****...
About anything except you
The only thing ricocheting against my set of bones
Is your name bouncing like drumsticks on xylophones
For once I get to perform our song
Music to my lonely ears
Skeleton an instrument producing every note brain hears
Have my mutilated perception record melody
When finished play it over so I can sing off-key
And leave on your doorstep to remind you of what we had
When I am done realize I still feel just as sad
And screams bottled up press on the walls of my insides
Threatening to expose the place heartache hides
Slide shapeless secrets even deeper down the *****
Drowning damaged moments in a mess of distraction and dope
One
Two
Three
I count numbers to ground racing thoughts
Break the anxious flow in a failed attempt to untangle mental knots
I will go to extreme lengths to relieve madness in my mind
Waiting for comfort desperately needed but can never seem to find
And my own flesh torments with mocking memories
Using tattooed ink for leverage to ridicule and tease
A traitor amongst body parts equally writhing in despair
Breath inhaling solitude coursing through the stagnant air
Lifeless eyes exhausted from overwhelming cruelty they view
You put up careful facades but ******* is easy to see through
X-rays of faithful adoration reveal commitment a disguise
Well-rehearsed remorse when stripped is nothing more than lies
And crumpled promises fill the trash can with empty words you said
Same old disappointment cuts
Blood staining hands bright red
Stomach full of excuses violently crammed down my throat
Those plus dead butterflies swell causing my tummy to bloat
My heart now lies in throbbing pieces scattered across bottom of my soul
In the exact spot you used to reside within my chest is now an unfathomable hole