every line bears this weight
clumsy truth, crucifix-like
and in bearing alone, they are born

up and sing
on the wings of those demons we've seemingly seen
to be
descending
one ladder inverted
where once Jacob had torn
down his alter
in anger, in the dry place where we left the vision

blessed are the fools
who call themselves fools
for others will call them wise

blessed are those who cry out to the world with stammering tongues
crouching aching and sweating
over endless lines of gibberish that fall like drum beats from the tips of their frantic pens
for they will be called Earnest

blessed are the ones who suffer withdrawals
dope-sick
shaking and sweating
desperate for a drink or a fix
for I will make them High indeed!

blessed are the ****** “deviants”
cast away by the “holy” as unclean
for they know that no man or woman may call unclean
anything that God has declared clean

Blessed are those who shake their fists in rage
at the heavens, cursing them
for they will dance in the pouring rain

i was told
last night, by a woman
whose life was passing her by
that the card in my hand
indicated that i was to be reborn

now i sit
with ink from a borrowed pen
that i borrowed from a friend
who also gave me his food
as America was passing us by

and i
so long to express this lovely isolation
we are the light
of a single star
and no star
is ever very far
from my single thoughts
they touch
every one

i am
so many colors
when i divide myself
in the water that falls
poured by a man
with no plans at all

It's all imaginary
it's all real

it's all ephemeral
all eternal

every little gesture
every racing emotion

every breathless whisper
every dark and mystical room
overflowing with night air and moonlight

nothing is ever lost
truth is what is not forgotten
suffering, we learn
learning is remembering
the pain you give me
brings me back to myself
and I remember
who and what I was
before I had eyes or ears or even chloroplasts

the symbol on my hand is changing
on fire
like all of gleaming reality itself
the pearl of price which blinds the impoverished merchants
who wander naked and lost
hawking all their wares on every noisome corner

the fire is all consuming
all sanctifying
all purifying
all changing
all revealing

I am in the fire
and in the fire, all is holy
and every last thing is eternally in flames (even the merchants)
and sleep is the great activity
and death is a dear friend
who betrays with one kiss
but whose betrayal is love incarnate

I am one
with my many selves
and though I may be above you
you hear my voice
you fumble after the meaning until it finds you

I am
the light bursting out of a broken lantern
the diamond with an infinite number of perfect cuts
the voice crying milk and honey into the wilderness
the children's song that flies above the lamentation up on the desert plane
the melody that found its way into your equations
the dream that startles you wide awake
the life that pulsates in decay and corruption
the happily ever after horror story

I am
the unstoppable force
that meets the immovable object
and the result is nothing

nothing but the purest, clearest light
that has never entered the mind

take heart, my love
the raging storms of your own neurochemical electricity
will give birth to their own silence
all thought is designed to produce its own resounding negation
all speech is born to fade beautifully
all music is played until it is over
and it's closing time
and the bars empty
and the streets grow silent and still under the street lights

and the last enemy, who you fear with the Great Fear
unmasks herself, a friend and a lover
The Lover of lovers
and trembling
you fall forever into her holy and ****** embrace

Like a festering burrowing worm I took root
Deep in your mind where you reject the truth
Bending and breaking your soul evermore
Demonizing all the saints you adore
Riveting cracks that I lay down your spine
Tingling wisdom you think so divine
Murderous words that you think cannot guide
Youre in your own way and still you are mine
I was the plauge that had ravaged the lands of your mind
This ****** is mine
I'm swallowing time
Consuming what's mine

Holy demonic the darkest of light
Angels of mercy that free you from life
You cannot **** till your demon is known
Facing yourself and now where do you go
The sun and the moon and the planets that move
Puppets on strings as you dance to their tune
Always neglecting the infinite soul
Wishing to listen and do as your told

Tell me to help and I offer my hand
Only grip tight till the moment you stand
Now you are moving your feet on the ground
Follow your path and the truth will be found
Whispering sins that you've long left untold
Now your emerging a sight to behold
Beauty and blessing but you've just begun
The faceless are laughing when you hold your tongue
Who are the voices that refuel your doubt
Where is the evil that brought forth your drought
Carrying on you may search the abyss
There's nothing to find you think somethings amiss

Nothing to gain and nothing to lose
To only one person your faith you must prove
I've given a gift that I've given myself
And tell unto you I did not need this help
Begging and crying you seek me for more
Lessons on trying can be such a bore
Tell me what's wrong
Why don't you tell me?
I already know
Then that sets you free

You wish to become, a much better you
So who do you lean on when you cannot move
I am just not a main part of your strength
Will nor the hammer will leave me unbent
I burdened my sin and I tortured my soul
All in the end just to see I am whole
All of my secrets you think I have told
All of my secrets to me are unknown
Where is the wisdom I've gifted myself
Where is the God you think spared me the belt
Where is the power you seek here on Earth
When you're alone and buried in dirt

I say that you have it
You ask me then where
I say that you have it
You freeze and you stare
I say you beg God's and spirits divine
To come down to earth and give you their time
They gave us all gifts we seal in our minds
I'm certain of yours but you're longing for mine
I say you are broken
I say you are fine
I say you are lonely
Now make up your mind
I say you're not perfect
But surely you've grown
Now prove to yourself that you sit on the throne

finally awaken.
they might know what i mean,
they might never know.
but i know that this is a new page,
a new book,
completely new book.
it feels different this time.
the more and more i live,
the more i realize that this was all for a reason even if it feels like it wasn't.
i'm awake.