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Avestani Sep 9
Digging myself, out of this hole
Trying to find, what would name me while
Lost in the past, let it limit my shine
Searching for answers locked in my mind

Worthy of love, I'm sure that I am
But what would it take, to receive my demands
Know I have strength, know that I'm strong
So why when I stand up for myself I feel wrong
I'm here to be loved, by the people who care
So why does the love, that they show me make me scared

Holding myself, to the standards I set
Wanting to grow, as I try and forgot
The voice of the truth, is the one I don't use
Hurting myself, like I've got something to prove
To say what I want, to say what I need
I long for the moment I can finally be free
Only stopping myself, and holding my breath
I'm 'fraid to draw lines, but closed mouths don't get fed

Worthy of love, I'm sure that you are
But what would it take, to make you state your demands
I see inner strength, I know you are strong
I love when you stand up, let me know what is wrong
You may not need love, but I'll show that I care
Ask what is needed, and never know fear

Holding yourself, to the standards I set
Little do you know, I want what's the best
Your voice carries truth, I hear when you talk
I want you to heal, what's you grow and improve
Just say what you want, just say what you need
I'll help if you need it, so you'll find inner peace
You're stopping yourself, just let go and breathe
Have faith, draw your lines, 'till you feel safe with me.

Digging myself, out of this hole
Trying to find, what would name me while
Lost in the past, let it limit my shine
Searching for answers locked in my mind
Avestani Sep 9
The potential of disaster or perfect collision
Did we lose sight of the original mission
Are distance and status creating division?
Confidence wavers at the moment of decision
Hesitant to feel, give into the flow of unspoken words that seldom hold the feeling behind verbal contact, lost passion on the wind drifting off from our tongues and our eyes, watch the hands, does the longing drive you mad, sure of the reception knowing you'll be accepted, but both cowards at the apex not willing to indulge ourselves in the most harmless of risks, a moment, a loss, a potential bliss, knowing our worth, knowing each other, exchanging emotions as we find ourselves within each other's range but like magnets the attraction leads to repulsion, fueled by conceptual barriers constructed by the filth of the physical, calamity of humanity a fickle mind and frozen heart so much so that eagerness for light and love is masked by fear of pain and past, like walls that form between our dreams that petrify reality, the game is played until its done, until time has won, and we've never begun, but oh we dreamed of it with clarity, the love we'd have, if we were free, like the animals we are, indulging in carnality and hedonism, reject the will of civilization, concepts formed to dominate, put man above man, we could see the boundaries between us rent apart nothing more than empty words hinging on empty thoughts that mean nothing to the energy between us, a million reasons, a thousand rejections, thought if cards played right could be perfection, to bet some time, a move of faith, we could separate from the conscious of man, the weakness and lies it brings, accept the will of the spirits, immersed in the universe, heeding the call of nature we locked away in our own man made order, heeding spirits with wisdom beyond any man, creature, or beast, and see if our love was something God planned.
Avestani Sep 9
Blackest nights and hearts of hearts
As the feeling hits my bones
Vast illusions take their hold
Welcome evil to its throne

Embrace the stars that guide my fate they've often burned when I arrive too late
It seems I'm running in a vector leading myself back to what I hate
I picked the crown from all the roses, chose to drown yet dreamt of floating, spending precious time just hoping, loves a drug so now I'm doping, heart so broken no use coping, all this ink black blood is flowing, spilling from my tongue it stains the ground pollutes the mud

Wasted words, from wasted tongues I think I've fallen out of love and now this freedom cuts me open just to rip out all these pieces, voices, words, and thesis I've been Clinging to this life, God should just hand me the knife, I'll carve myself a new beginning.

Stab myself with a thousand needles to drive it home once more that there is no growth without pain and from me all the hues of red and black come pouring out in a catharsis of the self inflicted damage I've pursued in the twisted notion that accepting this pain will leave me with nothing left to lose and everything left to gain but as it turns out the gods were never so cruel and never so kind as to let me weather the entire storm to prove to myself that I was truly alive.

No.

No.

Take me, break me, shatter my illusions, drive my mind into confusion, take from me everything I hold true and run it through the strainer that's
you, God of wisdom take my hand and drag me through the burning sands, and take from me right as I bleed through every wound you set me free, crush my faith, tear out my eyes, if I don't make it death is fine, gifted wisdom from divine, is worth this anguished mortal life, show me death and show me light, show me plenty show me strife, cast upon I beg of thee, make me listen make me free.
Avestani Sep 9
Do you stumble when you fall or does the weight of this world send you crashing to the ground as the jeers from the crowd snap at your heels like hounds bred for slaughter that never knew light but could only feel hunger and see you as a victim as only a measure of scrap just a snack for the time of the night while you fight do you know why you value your life stuck to work like a cog or a slave just because you get paid wont mean **** the next day as you're stuck in the cycle and do it again and again
Can you feel me, I know you can hear, but can you just feel me, I'm bleeding from my heart of tin, that I've wrapped up, the sound of it beating, its trying to greet me, but I'm far too greedy with my peace of mind, to let what's inside, set me free make me blind, and I've always just known that the truth could not hide, so what did I find while I'm searching for answers, the truth was I'm scared and took flight like a dancer on wind, as I'm screaming "You know I will find you" the signs point behind me but I'm just a coward who wont learn to turn.

I've always been too scared to turn,
Myself
Into what I dream to fill my sea of memories with joy and love if meant to be and yet I put a stop to whimsy find myself in cryptic visions haunting tales of sorrow laced with deep depression, masked with brute aggression, deaf to all suggestion, monster of me I will make of myself, cause the beast with no knowledge is easy to trick, and the games that I play may be all with myself, but I'm too scared of losing so each trap I lay I ensure that I fall on and both my legs break just to stutter my progress before its too late, and light much like darkness is found in all man but I'm too busy drowning in hourglass sand, to take stock of the meaning that both are in balance
Avestani Sep 9
Falling faster, call the pastor
He's a *******, don't extract her
Sharing dreams, now cross the fracture
Changing fonts to write new chapters

Drowning in laughter
What's the matter
Can't you see the one you're after
Hypocritic, I'm a cynic
Watching you reach for quite a minute
Can you save her, can you savor
All the moments you've enslaved her
Now you're burning, conscious hurting
See yourself as undeserving
What you're learning
Stomach is churning
Freedom means you're by yourself

Inky depth, in the darkness of my mind
Lobotomize my tongue, let me drool it out like wine
A verbal vorpal blade, that seeks to make you mine
You're bleeding out emotions, so we're only wasting time
Tragedy has left you broken into pieces undefined,

Faceless emotions, and flimsy love potions
You can swim across the oceans if you follow in their motions
Late night with the lotion, Spirit bomb explosion
Water makes erosion, I'm burning out my Trojan
Avestani Sep 9
Holding on to memories
Living in the past
Wanting to go back in time
The future comes too fast
Replaying the stories in your head while laying in your bed
Regrets are flooding in your thoughts you're only free when you're dead

Silence all the voices
Demons whispers spreading doubt in every action that you take
Are you moving farther from the light with every single forced mistake
Find yourself
In the heart of the void
Telling people stories of the chaos that you've wrought
Only in that moment will you think you know the cost

Closer and closer
To the end
Find yourself at doors that lead to nowhere
Deeper and deeper
Sinking and drowning
Sowing your madness around you and dancing in faith misplaced

The last thing that you'll see is a recognizable face

One who watches
One who creeps
One who makes the virgins weep
Kings of Sorrow
King of Drought
Plague and Agony drooling from his mouth

Down and down.
You pierce the darkness
Through and through
To find yourself
Give to it your hearts desire
Take from it your rightful place

Worm
Watching every minute creep by as you squirm
Worm
Digging in the earth for treasure burying yourself
You ******* Worm
Asking for powers and knowledge divine
The gift of this wisdom is know you are mine
Avestani Sep 9
The best flattery comes from this affection
I see the way you come alive
You wouldn't believe my lies but love the misdirection the truth is I don't know why
Get enough of me for only just a moment I'll disappear in front of your eyes
I'm a sycophant slowly forgotten when honesty blends with the lies

Can you tell me of all your favorite memories
The moments that we all have left behind

Living in the past.
Holding on to
All the feelings
That we want to
I'm impressed by
Your conviction
Holding on to
Something missing


Tell me truthfully did you ever believe me when I said that I want to see you fly
Tell me honestly did all of the instructions to follow just pass you by
I'm inanimate I've lost the will to conquer for you I'll lose to thousand times
Its a motive and poorly was it hidden I'm bleeding out to make you mine

Can we sunder,
all decisions,
separate them,
from our visions
I've begun to think that slowly we succumb to it the difference in indifference and just saying we are done with it the truth it hides in many lies I can't decide to trust my eyes the voice inside it screams to try but when I speak my words sound weak I lose my footing on the peak I tumble down and hit the ground my confidence cannot be found

I just wonder
From this blunder
Was it made up
Can we make up
I'm not holding
But not giving
I'm not scolding
You're forgiven

Tell me one more time.
What's your favorite lie
I'll sing you to sleep with cherry picked words that sound deep until you see my frown and sugar coated candy crown
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