Past 8 Days: </3
Sunday: <3

There’s two types of missing you.

Firstly, I think about you as a person and I miss hugging you, kissing you, holding your hand, running my fingers through your hair, making you smile, making you laugh... making you happy...
                           ...I miss making you happy.

Secondly, I think about *** and I miss slow kissing, touching your *******, touching your ****, rubbing you out, grinding, all forms of teasing, *** in any position... whatever makes you happy...
                           ...I miss making you happy.

                    I miss being your happiness.
                I miss my happiness.
           I miss you.

ideas are wordless, in the wild,

in the willful tongue untamed
they twist and bend and prevaricate,

wait, that voice,
put that in words, and give up the glory,

all you did was listen,
or read. Thank you.

Least said, soonest mended.

A day full of preparation
for nobody
and nothing
as you pushed us all to far.....
Now you are
alone
but still blaming it all on someone
who isn't you...
because you can't face
what you've become

-em vidar

She says soon. Soon you're mine for keeps. Soon, I'll remove your clothes. Soon, I'll kiss your cheeks. Soon, I'll hold you close. Soon I'll show you love. Soon I'll sleep with you. And then we'll raise above, that feeling we once knew. That feeling that brought us pain, that made us want to die. Crying in the rain while we stand and fantasize. Fantasize about things that seem impossible to get, but now we have these things, so why is there a pit in my stomach, when we are both so attuned. It might be because, she keeps saying soon...

i stopped writing.

not because i don’t want to.

it’s because i couldn’t.

i couldn’t bear the fact that i would have to feel pain and sadness all over again to write something only a few people would understand.

i couldn’t find the exact words. the right sentence. the perfect way to say the emotion i want to show, ending up saying more than the thought itself.

i couldn’t face an empty screen with the line continuously blinking as if begging me to release the letters out of it — teasing it constantly knowing i would just stare at it and close my phone afterwards.

i couldn’t find the right moment to write. and when i thought it was, i just end up thinking about all my “i couldn’t”s never finishing anything i write.

it’s so easy to say, “just write. it’ll come to you soon enough” but little do those people know it’s as hard as it gets.

one day, i write something amazing. amazing to me at least. and the next day, you don’t write anything at all — scared to create a new one that’ll forget the existence of the previous one.

i stopped writing.

but i keep imagining.

writing on my head but never putting them into words. locking them up as safe as possible inside my head where only i could reach. only i could appreciate. only i could admire.

i keep them.

and if one day,

if i get the strength to stop saying “i couldn’t”

i know it’ll all make sense.

but for now,

i’ll have to stop writing.

I sleep in a different bed every week
But I know
- I will meet you soon
- you are waiting for me as well
- you and me : it will means everything

That you have lived as I have but you waited for me as I did
And we would smile
And we will laugh drink and touch

And it will feel like never before
More I imagine it more close I get to you

I have been played you won’t play me you will know I am not a game,
I have been lied to, you won’t lie to me you know I don’t deserve this,
I am loved and you will admire that,
I am clever and you will empowered it,
I am all your and you will never take it for guarantee

—-
- “Destiny, bring me to him he is waiting for me, I know you are waiting for me to be ready but it’s only when I will see him that I will be”

Little love in this heart
Thinking I liked someone that broke my heart
Think I'd heal and start again
But just break down again
The little love I have
From my wasted days in bed
Where I heal myself and heart too
Hopeing I'd find someone soon.