to turn into  the whole wide world, the one that I design,
the one with lights of glistening gold
and wonder undefined.
Is to ignore the very brutal truth, on one's own accord,
ignorant and powerful, a
mistake one can't afford.
So here I am, as usual, how deeply I deny,
that "everything isn't so bad"
I stumble in the lie.

..maybe one day i'll get to see, right through the guise of gold-
the one disguising my whole life
the one denial upholds

Goodbye tomorrow- stay away- I wish to be no more.
my heart contorted, my mind deflates as
my soul and spirit tore.

there's a solemn tune in my core
that longs for warmth
- a melodic rhythm
that produces spring's blossom.

though my core is in
solemn mood
but the mind speaks
otherwise
  - its a mess.

still,
never have i asked
something great
like a grand
Autumn concerto
just wanting
his own
music sheet
playing the song
to the one
     who cares.

for how long
will I be
patient,
or where will
I ever find the sign
for the right
notes befitting
to my tunes?

asking questions
only time can tell.
I'll wait....

I can't sleep

No, not because of the demons that normally torment me.
Tonight is different.

I creep downstairs
Footsteps light, floorboards creaking slightly.
My father is playing Fleetwood Mac on the loudspeakers.

Over Stevie Nicks' smooth, crooning voice I tell him to turn it down, in barely a whisper;
"I'm tired, dad.
Let me sleep.
Play it tomorrow."

I walk into the kitchen and mother is there
Awake, still.
Working.
For the both of us.
Both of her useless children.

I take a glass of milk and sit beside her by the dining table,
Jewels strewn across a cloth,
And listen to her excitedly tell me about her designs
With my eyelids half mast

I finish my milk and walk away
A silent goodnight escapes my lips, barely open.
I leave her to her work.

I take a glance at my father; he's watching The View now.
I walk up the stairs again, silent as a mouse.

I can't sleep.

The gleaming pair of crimson red eyes reflect nothing but suffering.
While it's true that those sulfur feathers take flight,
tear holes in the wind, and pierce the night sky,
it's only to get your attention.

Does he have your attention?
He knows he has your attention.
From branch to branch he stares, learns, stalks,
and casts doubt into your impressionable acumen.

You know nothing, and nothing is his forte.
You haven't caught up, but those infinite pools of blood are headed your way.
Don't be afraid, don't scurry, don't cry;
By the end of the night, you'll have seen all,
and you'll be just another in the crimson tide.

The wink of the moon is a forgiving description,
The locks of your hair, brittle and worn,
Every tomb you forebear has a decaying inscription,
Your empty touch can drive even the most stoic to mourn.

Unconsidered by nature, but naturally torn,
The weight you must bear is never applied,
Vengeful at your mention, and your destruction they've sworn,
With the strength of cyanide, but your effects shall never subside.

You keep your fair distance,
Through your eyes you see no favorite,
Sickness plagues all at your mere insistence,
You're a people watcher, a natural behaviorist.

I can't avoid or dismiss you my love,
But Death, my fair maiden, there's not an hour you go undreamed of.

i feel like the equivalent
of an abandoned paintball field.
I guess it could be peaceful.
But its a bit eerie to say the least.
Everything is all faded but you can tell
**** has gone down there.
You just cant know for sure what.
Like youre sure there were some great memories there.
But you also cant rule out
the possibility that
at one point in time,
someone has gotten an eye shot out.

I greet another, she can't greet me. Alone in the world I'll be. To California I've followed me there, every girl I've met shows despair.

I enter the forest, I follow a friend. But when she sees me she's silent and still.

I chase my shadow, I follow the sun. But it's dark and I'm alone again soon. Here is the question, it isn't asked but is seen. Will I always feel for much more than the human beings.

Ravens suggestions and snow covered pines, for her I'd rearrange time. I have never forgotten our words, we'll keep the promise even though it's absurd. Children gut themselves with the knife, and bleed publicly but their mothers know why. We shallow our breaths, we hold our heads down, and beat our fists on our chests. Through tomorrow we'll lay in our empty beds. Until the poison softens our heads.

She never gave me an apology. I just sit alone drinking bottom-shelf wine. I take down the down with the drugs and go down and warm myself with some morphine and smoke till I'm gone. Drop the fire on my pants, set fires to the floors, until she'll take me to the bed that once was just ours.

These serene days,
Where blue is the wind's muse
And Red the sea's Fume
Where white covers the skies
And grey, separates the cloud from the sky
These days of rushing hours,
Where Men are saddened from thoughs of yore
And children starving from pains of now

In these solemn days
And harsh nights
I will take my chances
And stand
Stand for what is right
In these days of colors

*Ovi Odiete©