i say every smoke
is the last one
because it's fun to pretend

but i'm starving for another
and i can't even make believe that it'll be my last

Cigarettes and coffee,
like wine and cheese.

Perfect for the occasion,
and the times it will bring

why would you smoke a cigarette
but leave half of it dropped onto the sidewalk?

“our cigarette butts leave signs,”
you told me,
“I threw it there to
let others know that
I can control my bad habits.”

this is who you are.
you’re the type of person
who leaves cigarette butts on concrete
to scream “I was here.”

you’re the type of person
who purposefully lives an unfinished life
for the world to wonder
what you would’ve done
if you had more time.

this was the same way you left me.
halfway through our dreams and goals,
only to find out that I loved you
wholeheartedly, obsessively, and recklessly,
while you walked away
with a mouthful of tobacco smoke
and halfway love.

smoking makes me happy
the pain in my lungs reminds me
i am merely man
suffocating myself
just to feel something
not of self deprecation
you keep me safe up here
above the smoke
beyond the barriers of this world
a simple touch
takes me places i could never go
without blackening my insides

you’re the kind of high i like,
the one i can’t get enough of,
you are my favorite flower.

and i’ll watch you lay on a blanket,
and wrap your arms to cuddle me in,
let our emotions ride the waves
feelings all so raw and real.

and i’ll inhale you deeply,
hold it in,
plant the seeds to grow a
garden of you.

your aroma, your scent,
it thickens in my memories,
my lungs tastes of you.

and exhaling all that anxiety,
my mind has turned a switch
and all the noise i once drowned in
are muffled whispers going into silence.

and i smile by the way
i’m addicted to you that
all i want is more of you,
i don’t want just the bouquet
but the paradise garden that is you.

yes, I see it
no, its got to be from the smoke
I know, it does make for some great sunrises and sets
oh, can you hear the cattle mooing this morning?
makes for peaceful coffee time...

Brian Hill - 2020 # 273