my eyes
they are starting to get
drowsy

my mouth
it's starting to create  
a deep inhaling
of exhaustion

my body
starts to ache
as I lack
the sleep I think I deserve

and then all of a sudden
you meet someone
who shuts your mouth and
opens your eyes
and you just lay there on your side
and smile the dopiest smile.

you feel like singing and
screaming and perhaps
like you might explode
if the radiation
from the insides of his mind
that slices you from
six inches away
continues for much longer.

and if you do?
it won’t matter
because he will scoop you up
and kiss your pieces-
barely even noticing that
you are broken and

when he leaves
it is always
too soon

and the sheets smell like
the sweat after a long day
and you love it in all of its honesty
and the hard work that it eludes to.

His hands feel warm on your skin
even when they are too cold
and you have rolled
away with the quilt once again.

He’s respectful
and he’s got a big goofy laugh
that comes
from the recognition of a lingering sorrow
he is still
unwilling to share.

He will leave you
more tangled than your hair
in the morning
after it has spun itself
across the static surface
of sheets and skin.

He’s letting himself in and
you dream of him
even when he is beside you.

Your thoughts never tire
of retracing the steps you took together
and you will walk down familiar trails
hour by hour
when you mind needs a rest.

He is quite possibly the best,

the best


The best.

and you'll get to the rest.


c.e.m. 11.24.14

I know,
There must be some males out there,
who care
And I know,
I may be overreacting, I think.
But, I also know,
That it isn't okay, or funny or clever
to mess around with peoples' emotions, whatever

You know
That there are females out there,
that care.
And you know,
I may be overreacting, perhaps.
But you also know
that it isn't my fault, not this time, not now
it's completely yours, and you've let me down.

My heart at times
feels like empty skies
devoid of suns and stars.
Painted with clouds,
All the blue thrown out.
Like a slate wiped clean.
Sometimes you feel so much,
that you can feel
no more.
Not cleansed, not neat, not free.
You become
Empty.

"What's wrong?"
"I'm just tired."
I'm just tired of hating myself to the point of self-destruction.
I'm just tired of being in so much emotional pain that no sobs escape but gasps for air.
I'm just tired of having to hide under hoodies and long pants.
I'm just tired of drawing on myself with metal, losing my inner ink every time.
I'm just tired of not wanting to wake up the next day.
I'm just tired of not being able to sleep.
I'm just tired of the ****** noses and wilting hair.
I'm just tired of the stares and rumors.
I'm just tired of being too weak to stay.
I'm just tired of slow suicide.
" What's wrong?"
"I'm just tired."

When limbs are floppy
and bodies soft
when dreams slowly drift away
the cosy lovable sleeping spot
hugs you and begs you to stay

Sleep holds no comfort
Burning eyes don't
soothe the soul

Broken and jagged
pieces of me
litter the floor

No poem, no song
no kisses or hug
can make me feel
whole