She is missing,
Peace is nocturnal,
And night never happens.

loving you is like mapping stars,
tracing constellation after constellation,
never wanting to finish.

loving you is like soft whispers,
persistent, underlying my heart,
my heartbeats and breath and smile.

loving you is my hands shaking at times,
softly trembling,
touching the air with gentle taps.

loving you is like dance,
feeling the lights warm your skin -letting the glow cover you,
and being a diamond -allowing your heart to lay you out.

loving you is like the stage
because you’ve never felt an energy like this,
never let it consume you.

loving you is hope,
trust that we’ll be something great,
trust in fever dreams and laid out plans.

loving you is like sleepless nights,
because we’re moving and moving,
too busy dreaming to stop.

loving you is like a story,
sleepless nights and coffee and pacing,
thumbing through pages until you fall asleep on your keyboard.

this is what loving you is like.

Deprive me
I don't need sleep now
Make me
Tell me not to go slow
Forsake me
Let's put on a great show
Take me
in all the ways you know
Shake me
off this dreamless night

Let us kneel in front of each other
one after the other
sweet juices to follow
you need to abide
and let me swallow
your pride

When the rest the world is fast asleep
his mind seems to find it's peak.
Sure, he dreams but not like others.
He tugs his sheets and rolls his covers.
His eyes stay shut, the clock still ticks
The sun will dawn but not his fix.

I am sleeping
Wait, no I’m not
I can’t sleep
Staring at the blank white ceiling
Which is more than I can say
About the emptiness
which is me

Why would I do anything else
I don’t think my friends
Appreciate my presence
I don’t think my guitar
Wants my ***** hands all over it

But my bed
My bed lo-

“What?!”
...
“Yeah! I’ll do it later
I’m a little *******
At the moment!”

-ves me
It grips me up and never wants to let go
Similar to a mother
Or even a fa...
No no no
just a mother
Who you haven’t seen in a while

Ten texts and three calls
I leave my phone off of the charge
Hopefully it dies soon
Like with my desires
To ever leave my bed

just so tired
of being mired
in the endless fatigue
that works in league
with the utter exhaustion
that makes me feel lost in
the ruthless lethargy
that keeps on charging


just need some shut eye
so desperately, but I
can't catch up on rest
settled into my nest
breathing slow and deep
still can't fall asleep
counting sheep in droves
but unable to doze


instead ironically
I lay here chronically
stuck wide awake
unable to shake
the conscious mind's grip
unable to slip
into the world of dreams
escaping what seems
the waking mind's prison
as insomnia, risen
to almighty omnipotence
flexing its eminence
wards off all the threats
that maybe would let
this body start healing
and this mind stop feeling

so tired
of being mired
in the endless fatigue
that works in league
with the utter exhaustion
that makes me feel lost in
the ruthless lethargy
that keeps on charging

without end

insomnia strikes again

Some nights,
I think the few extra bites I take are helping me get better.

Some nights,
I look at the clock and realize it's already four in the morning and I'm nowhere near tired,
so I smoke another cigarette.

Some nights,
I wish that instead of lying in my empty bed,
I was lying in yours.

Some nights,
I allow myself to accept that I am not what you need,
and therefore,
I will not be yours.

Some nights,
I finally do sleep,
and I dream that I am everything you need,
and I wake up next to you,
and it's more than just a quick goodbye.

Some nights,
I think I'm better off alone.

Some nights,
I wonder if I will ever get out of this rut that I have been stuck in,
for however many years it has been,
and finally be good enough for someone.

Some nights,
I finally start to convince myself that I was good enough all along,
and maybe you were never enough
for me.