Raizel

Raizel Jun 2019

It's a dark place...
I know what you're hiding
I've hinted it a lot
So why are you still doing it?

It's a dark place...
Loving you is breaking me
I've told you a hundred times
So why are you still hurting me?

It's a dark place...
Inside my mind there's no hope
It's always missing
So why I am not leaving?

It's a dark place...

2nd June 2019, you're no longer my light...

#mental #hurt #broken #dark #random #words

Raizel Nov 2018

Ambiguity

We were so much and then nothing,
We talked like strangers,
And then not at all.

You were gone and the drugs were there,
Powders, pops and smokes,
Numb the pain and the world.

You messaged me again,
Now we are something
But who knows what.

I'd rather have the drugs,
Than this talking,
Avoiding everything.

Why do you torture me?
With all this sweet talk
No answer about us.

All these sweet talks, the mug you sent me, and everything else. Why do you do it? When it tortures me so much, why do you avoid a real answer about us.

#love #pain #drugs #ambiguity

Raizel Nov 2018

We've met again

We have met again,
After such a long time
We sat across each other
As I listened to your voice.

We have met again,
On a cold November day
At that place from our past
Where I enjoyed your smile.

We have met again,
And for such a short time
I got lost in your eyes
As you were talking.

We have met again,
And then we left
But in that final hug
You still felt like home.

We have met again,
And I couldn't let go
Cause my heart
Is still beating for you.

We've met again, after quite some time...but I never expected to feel everything as powerful as I did. I only wanted a quick hug but I couldn't let go, you still felt like home, your smell was still like home, my heart was pounding through my chest, yelling so hard at me for making you leave...and telling me that after all this time, and for a long time from now on it will beat for you.

#love #home #meeting #reunion #heart

Raizel Sep 2018

Silence

After so many sleepless
Nights and days
I've finally had a moment of silence.

A moment when I did not feel
I had no thoughts or pain.
I didn't think about you.

I was so tired
Everything around me was dead.
It was such a bliss.

But my body is collapsing
And I begin to wander
Will my feelings for you
Die first or me?

After weeks of dozing off two or three times a day for less than an hour, lots of caffeine, drugs, mental and physical exhaustion, last night I've finally had a moment of silence, everything around me stopped, the pain and my thoughts were no longer there.

#love #madness #sleepless #tired #collapse #loneliness #exhaustion #breakdown #bliss

Raizel Sep 2018

Storm

My love's a storm
Full of thunders
And raging winds.

You've faced it
All alone in the night
With no shelter
From my harmful storm.

Now you're free from it
And I hope
Light and warmth
Is all you'll face
From now on.

I've never offered you shelter, I've never heard how loud the silence was. How could I not see that my storm was tearing you apart. I'm sorry.

#love #harm #pain

Raizel Sep 2018

Shadows

Shadows did always follow me
They were always there
Since the first day I remember
I was haunted by them.

Some belonged to the dark
And some to the light
But lately all of the light
Faded and darkness took over.

I've never had freedom of 'em
They were at my neck at all times
Waiting for the moment i'd slip
So they would take me over.

I slipped a lot lately...
They were dragging me over
Little by little
I was becoming their slave.

But then you brought a ray of light
We were sitting at that table...
And your eyes were so bright
That the old ones awoke.

Then you kissed me...
Those soft lips brought me back
I've wanted to have those lips
I've wanted to belong to you.

Your craziness fought with my shadows
They were obliterated..
You freed me from 'em
You've freed me from my fears
And brought peace to my mind.

Your eyes were the light that i needed.
Thanks for the soft and sweet taste.
Thanks pulling me back.
You're beautiful no matter how many times you say you're not.
You're loved.

13-Sep-15
Dear A.

#love #shadows #***

Raizel Sep 2018

untitled

spring's falling rain
nothing more beautiful
your heartbeat that time

A.
haiku attempt.

#haiku #al #rain #spring #love #longing