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JBH Oct 2018

The word blurts out

These voices wont stop...

As my body sleeps

My mind can't rest

Because its plagued by these voices these terrible pests...

Prehapse they're my past regrets ?

Things I never said ?

Things I never did ?

Prehaps they're emotions of a confused kid ?

Sadness ,anger ,fear,hate,joy,lust,passion,nothingness, pain.

All of those fighting for control







I shout again

Stop your driving me insane..

I know I  am broken that I can not change

The world turned me into this

And like this I will stay

I can not change so the voices to will stay

Emotions regret

So to I pray tonight

Lord above give me peace

So that I may rest


Lord above take my soul so that I may forver rest

Freed from these voices

these terrible pests.
First one in a while please leave you're thoughs
JBH Dec 2017
Man how I have chaged

From a insecure little kid in search of fortune and fame

In search of intimacy and love

And I never found it it evaded me like a wild dove flying away each time I get close

So I changed and became a cold heartless boy living fast and mean
Doing bad things hurting people that wouldn't cross me

I broke hearts made the sweetest girls fall apart

I used them over and over again swearing that I changed

I just caused destruction and pain

And I hate myself for it

I was tired of the drugs and  of the ***

               I was tired of this meaningless ****

So I quit and I changed again into something other than this tragedy

To a  man hoping to feel intimacy

To feel anything actually

But my past keeps following me

Haunting me
past ghost never leaving me

Alone ....

Its probably karma that ***** is getting me back for being so cold

So maybe I will change again ...

That's just what I do

I am the human chameleon

Nice to meet you.
JBH Dec 2017
What is this ....

This feeling I cant explain

This feeling I get

Every time I feel something worth while for anything and it gets taken away

Why ?

I don't know ..
I don't ******* know

Its seems I am Destin  to mess everything up

Everything worth something

And I thought you might be different

That you might be the one thing I was capable of feeling something for without ******* it up


Maybe I was wrong

Maybe you are not different or maybe I am just the same

The same guy that ruins every thing one way or another

What is this ?

This feeling I get every time I **** something up ?


If I had to describe it .

I would say nothing

But a nothing that causes pain in everything that I do

Because no matter what I do

My mind always runs back to you

And then this nothingness returns

Cause I ****** up .....
JBH Dec 2017

The first time I saw you covered in white at the wedding

With your blue ..... blue eyes

You took my breath away and you crumbled my nerves

You looked like an angel with the beauty of a godess.

The first time I talked to you

I saw how you could silence my demons with a simple hello

I found a joy in your laugh that I haven't felt in a long time

I found comfort in your late night whispers that brought peace to my restless soul

The first time I kissed you

I felt a rush no drug could compare too

I realised that there are things worth dying for

since we met

I have found someone who around  I can be vulnerable again and not get hurt

I realised that no matter how bad **** gets you will be there for me

But most importantly you Angelique made me believe in true love again (something I had given up on )


You are truly my better half
And that is why I love you.
JBH Nov 2017
I don't wanna know your outside
Your mortal flesh

I want a intimacy greater than that

I want a love so strong it can withstand time it self

I want  not to know your outside

I want to know your mind

I want to get a glimps into your soul
Into the rawness of your very being

I want to know who hurt you
I want to know who you love

I want to know you on a deeper level

Deeper than you know your self

That's the type of intimacy I want
Thats the love I desire .
JBH Nov 2017
We rush through life taking it to seriously
And most of the time we end up living miserably

We all just wanna fight to get to the top
Yet there is  no one who takes a minute to stop
And no one to realizes it's only a matter of time till we drop

So take it slow along life's bends
And watch the movie life

Spoiler alert we all die in the end.
JBH Nov 2017
It's true you know,

It's true when they say everything wil change.

It's true that people change ,even we our self's change.

Isn't it a scary thought ,that you can't be certain about people.
Even our selfs.

That you can know someone your whole life and they can change infront of your eys.

But we can't judge them for that
We cant judge their change.

Because It's true ,
It's true that people change.

But it's pain that causes them to change....
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