my mind has declared
war against me as it  
wanders to places
and times
that make me unable
to sleep before daylight
enters the premise,
and as long as the
thoughts triggered
won’t make a peace
investment in me,
i am forever
incarcerated.

I can't close my eyes,
I can't close my mind
as my thoughts keep me awake all night.

I toss and I turn,
trying to find comfort in my bed.

It's past midnight
and my thoughts have been rung
with gasoline
and been set on fire.
It consumes the small pieces of
happiness that I picked up during the day.

I gaze and think,
as there is no save tonight.

So I lay with a heavy mind
and empty heart
waiting for my eyes to slip to sleep.

I try to sleep, I honestly try my best,
life would call me a mess.
But when the night comes and goes
As though the wind blows her away
I cant help but tear myself to pieces.
You might not understand the sleeplessness
But im sure you all know suffering.
The happy thoughts stuck on buffering
Spinning a wheel of sorry im not functioning.
Not today nor any other,
A constant "why do I bother"
Trying to recover from the last 52 hour
Binge watching of "something to do"
Just To keep myself from knocking a ***** or two
Loose from my scattered brain;
Splattered against the television
For hours on end because delusion
Is a better conclusion than depression.
Stuck in a fantasy that I can be super human
Rather than facing the contusion head on.
Putting a bandaid on the hole in my soul
Hoping that heroism is a contagious scroll
Through the cartoon section of the tv guide.
I hide in bed waiting for my bride,
My perfect life to fall into place
But all I face is static friction
Because the perfect life is fiction.
And ill lie awake till the day I die
Watching the world as my life goes by.
Suffering, like the rest.

It bruises purple underneath
a sick stain surrounds my eyes
skin slouching down in despair
a dark piece of evidence
lingering sadly on my skin

As I lock away the tiredness
further into my mind
where it settles in the emptiness
and stays in the hallow nights
when sweet sleep never reaps

My tired dragging eyes
rubbing sleep out of them
or rubbing deeper in?

An impression of exhaustion
in my sallow skin
or my fragile mind?

You held my trembling hands, you hugged me tight
When I couldn’t feel and was so numb
You carried me throughout these sleepless nights

In my own chaotic mess that I’m trapped
I begged you to unsee what I’ve become
You held my trembling hands, you hugged me tight

I drowned in the dark secrets of my heart
Like a child, you cradled me in your arms
You carried me throughout these sleepless nights

I’ve spent years of dreaming on lonely nights
In this prison cell that I’d like to burn
You held my trembling hands, you hugged me tight

It felt so untrue but it seemed so right
You healed the turbulence beneath my skin
You carried me throughout these sleepless nights

Though my life presented a dreadful sight
An ugly past I’ve tried to leave behind
You held my trembling hands, you hugged me tight
You carried me throughout these sleepless nights

Someone asked me why I chose a job that ends late at night
And all I could say was,
It's alright.
It's not like i could sleep early lately.
So i don't mind working late at night.

What i did not mention was that
I was too busy crying every night before I head to bed
The reason why sleeping is so hard
I wouldnt want them to know
That the reason I was lacking sleep
Was because of a guy
Of a memory
Not because of work

sleepless nights
after summer days
frequent sights
of the sun's early haze
and woe is me
for my strength is retired
every night is the same as the next will be
going to sleep shouldn't be hard when you're this tired


© L.F.