Closed computer.
Lying girl.
Sick girl.
Tired girl.
Puke, tears, and blood.
Creepy colour pallet.
The colours dance over the floor and walls.
Crying is quieted by the loud students.
Blood is cleaned with water.
Puke is going up and down, never choosing a path.
Forks, trays, and knives in her hair.
Her friends don't notice.
She's not sleeping.
And never has been.
She's not breathing.
Oxygen escaping fast.
In and out.
In and out
In and out.
She's gone.

Inn-Sum-Knee-Ah (“Insomnia”)



I throw words at the ceiling fan

to break them apart over

the bleeding sheep on the carpet.


One. Two. Three. Four.


Pepper it over the bodies

while the fur is still waving

to the wind of the artificial air.


Five Six Seven Eight


My back cracks more than the

tocking insanity of the creak-squeak-squawk

crocked blame of the spinning blades above me.

I still can’t breathe.


Nine ten eleven twelve


The purple spot on the wall wanders between the bitter

clouds and the rocking streetlamps that wink,

as if to welcome me with “We are not sleeping either.”

But we will watch.


Thirteenfourteen.


That might be a good thing if I didn’t have my eyes closed,

burning from the inside out.


Fifteen. Sixtheen. Seventh

Sleep.


...

Viktor Aurelius read four of my poems on Whispers in the Dark Radio, a horror poetry show.

Twisted limbs
Intertwined
Tangled bodies
Side by side

The is no me
Nor is there you
Together
We are one

Where do I end
Or is that
Where you begin
Finding out would be a sin

I wanna be half-drunk on your bed with your arms around me as you listen to me talk about stupid things that make no sense. Please understand you make me feel safer than I've ever felt. So I’m sorry if I have to hold onto your hand the whole night just to prove to myself that you are real.

But I guess I’ll make do with my own bed. Cuddled under my own blankets wishing you here.

I was never in love with you

I was in love with sleeping next you

I was in love with the way your body felt curled up next to mine

to keep my body warm

because the nights are cold

but no matter how close you get to me

my heart will always be colder

and I’m sorry you couldn’t be more than a body to me

no one’s ever been able to thaw me out

I have problems.
I can't sleep at night and,
no one's really ever here for me.
Or at least it feels that way.

I mean, isn't that right? In the end it's just you.
Doesn't matter how many friends you tend to cling to,
Because the waves of reality are always shifting,
No matter what the tendency.
My parents ignore me,
and my friends avoid me,
Am I really the only one who feels this way?
It's as if I have to strain to sleep now a days.
Because so many problems stray in my mind,
I wish I could somehow change the time.

But that's not my choice,
I've been placed here inevitably,
The space I have to breathe intoxicates me.
I'm so sick of being here most days.

I dream rather often about running away.
My parents must be blind,
to not realise how stressful the way that act toward me can be.

The party's over.
My makeup left fading, the remembrance of something beautiful.
My black dress is on the floor, replaced by your warm arms.
I shared a bed with you, a surface not made for two.
Snuggled under the same blanket.
A single pillow for our heads.
I felt your warmth through the night.
A strong presence at my back.
Your nose crowning into my hair.
We slept pressed together, our body twining with one another.
I slept with you last night.

The party may be over, but I'm still here with you in a bed not made for two.

Her breath is soft
She mumbles
What? I say
I don't remember she replies clearly
And turns over
Still very much asleep
These are the nights I'll miss the most
Our legs intertwined.
So alike
And so different
I'm leaving in a month
I'll be all alone
And so will she
She's laughing now
I think it's a good dream
She somehow managed to roll on top
I won't push her off
This time
She's comfortable
I'm happy.

I woke up thinking it was a memory
But here I am
Alone in this tiny little bed
Wishing what I dreamed is what really happened
I really need to stop this
I don't even know what to call it
Maybe I should just deem it nothing
And go back to sleep and keep dreaming