Kiss me in waves of
affection and shower me
with all of your love

9:49 PM
7/7/19

Met her up in the club
Drinking her pineapple schnapps
I took a chance,
asked her for a dance, she said yes
So I said take my hand
from the moment we met
I just knew we would connect
Felt the sparks fly 
between you and I
She gives me that electrical feel
Shocked to the heart 
The blood rush starts 
One taste of her strawberry kiss
From her red cherry coloured lips
To the sweet caress from her fingertips 
It had me feeling like this,

I love every little thing about you
I love every little thing that you do
(You know it)
I want your loving
Yeah baby it's true (You know it)
I can't get you off of my mind girl
(You know it, you know it)

Come and get on it
I want it (You know that I do)
Your bubble gum tongue
Your passion, your love
The connection we feel (So surreal)
Come on get on
We want it, I see that you do
(I know your feeling it to) Girl

It's the way that we sweat
In the passion, in ***
Out of breath
By the end
Fall asleep in your bed
Her head on my chest
You know that feeling
It's the best,

I love every little thing about you
I love every little thing that you do
(You know it)
I want your loving
Yeah baby it's true (You know it)
I can't get you off of my mind girl
(You know it, you know it)

Come and get on it
I want it (You know that I do)
Your bubble gum tongue
Your passion, your love
The connection we feel (So surreal)
Come on get on it
We want it, I see that you do
(I know your feeling it to) Girl

She likes it when,
I run my fingers through her hair
I see your feeling the attraction we share
Yeah we both feel it there
I can feel your body heat on mine
Yeah you know that's something I like
You know you got the look girl
You know you got me hooked girl
You know we got it good girl
Couldn't have made it any better
If I threw a wishing stone
Into a wishing well
She knows we got it good and,

I love every little thing about you
I love every little thing that you do
(You know it)
I want your loving
Yeah baby it's true (You know it)
I can't get you off of my mind girl
(You know it, you know it)

Come and get on it
I want it (You know that I do)
Your bubble gum tongue
Your passion, your love
The connection we feel (So surreal)
Come on get on it
We want it, I see that you do
(I know your feeling it to) Girl

©2019 Written By Benji James

i look back at the girl i was
when it happened and
darling, you were so young
you didn’t deserve to be treated that way
or to have to grow up that fast
i wish i could’ve protected you and
told you that you were safe
and that you didn’t have to
destroy yourself
because you didn’t want to be in
the same body he touched

you thought you carried
your faults on your skin
so you tore it open

i was a body hollowed out
a skeleton with shattered bones
he ripped off my wings
and emptied me of all light
now all you’ll find
is black paint in careless streaks
across my weary heart
tired of beating

a ***** rotting thing
held a lighter to a match
not as smart as you might think
so i burned
and returned
to ash again

i remember this in little flashes
noises, smells, words
hit my brainstorm like lightning bolts
and take me right back to
a frightened little girl
blurred visuals projected
like a picture show i didn’t want to see
and i freeze
catatonia

my senses swarmed in radio static
and nothing around me is real anymore
not that the broken memories
of buried innocence in an unmarked grave
felt any more concrete
i can hear my panicked
heartbeat thumping like thunder
in my chest while thoughts
run wild through my mind
reverberating around my brain
until they whirred enough
to release cacophonous screams

is it too much to ask to forget
these little incendiary flashes
because they burn me from the inside
and turn me back to ashes
but memories don’t work like that
they don’t dissipate or shrink
no matter how hard you try

secrets turn to cement in my lungs
and i’m drowning in them
suffocating, coughing, wheezing
every time i try to speak
i choke because it’s not over
unless he says it is

to be polite
i keep this twisted sickness inside of me
but i long to cut myself open
and rip the tangled mess
of trauma from my chest
throw it down where everyone can see
because i’m so tired
of keeping this in for so long

i’ve only ripped myself open
to know it was real
because i’m just a terrified child
but the world doesn’t stop
the natural progression of
a child with secrets
to an adult with depression

no one cares
when they see someone like me
hunched over her own bleeding guts
splattered on the sidewalk
apologizing to pedestrians
about her own carnage
because she didn’t mean it
as a call for attention

but god, i wish they did
if only the world would stop for a moment
so i can collect these thoughts
and piece them together in way
i can explain why
i’m bleeding out in front of you
and ask for you
to reach out your hand
and rescue me
from this unrighteous ruining
and help me rise from these ashes
6/22

my lotus flower buds with an ******* type of pleasure,
oh, I never have to reassure her,
her eyes gleam with soo much desire,

love is not once but made twice with me,
I don't use words,
I'm brimming with ****** attraction,

The general population call this a taboo,
so I limit this to only a small fraction,
creativity swims in me like the Pisces,
and will always be enticing,

but remember to hold the sacral chakra.

What she once wore
now lays forgotten on the floor.
Behind lock doors
we can let our lust pour.

Creature of delight
comes alive at night.

Make them scream and moan
but never call one of them home.

He caressed her and touched her

This wasn’t right

Who was this man she thought was her father

This man that crossed boundaries

Touching a daughter no way a father ever should

Taking it to places so far she can’t turn back time

He leaves her lying there

But this wasn’t the first time

She curls in ball

Wishing it were a sink hole

So far down to just fade and disappear

She closes her eyes

Dying on the inside

Wishing she could deny to herself

What just happened

For as long as I can remember, I've always had this void in my life. It's this empty feeling deep deep down inside of me and no matter how hard I try I cant quite seem to shake it, overconsuming, eating away at me, I can have happy moments when everything seems to be going great, the feelings of not being okay comes back like a head on collision.

Theres a constant nag deep down to fill this empty void, anything to make it all better. Trying from hobbies, family, friends, material stuff and just nothing. It's not simple or an easy matter to explain, especially when you get to a point when numbing it out seems to be the better option from having such a hard past, from abuse to ****** trauma.

So badly I long for true happiness, no worries. I desperately long for what I see around me, to have not a care in the world. Instead I'm in this dark hole and I cant find my way out, filled with horror, dark, and scary. So consumed with feeling crazy.

I tend to put on this act like I'm so happy and I have the perfect life, when in reality that's just not the case. I lash out and I dont mean to.

God I just want so badly to be okay. To have never gone through the things I have, instead here I am. Lost in a spiral out of control, a ride I cant get off.

One day I will look back and it will just be a memory. Just a part of my past and I can finally say no longer I'm not okay.

I don't expect them to sympathize 
I know how twisted it sounds
yet for me
it was my savior 
from the start

From the beginning 
of when I lost myself
when he took me away from myself
when I had nothing else to let go 
or nothing else to willing give away

He broke me
every time I saw him
I lost another part of myself
just when I thought 
he'd already taken everything I had away

This ongoing struggle will forever remain
but as humans
we all suffer
and gradually
we thrive from it
it slowly builds up
a stronger sense of self
using the pain
to create a brighter future