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Shelby Finger Aug 15
I saw a simplicity
I knew I could hide away in
In you
A quiet normalcy
I thought it would bring me
all the features in life I didn’t think I deserved:
Babies
Bills
Rings
and Hard earned holidays.

You preyed on the evidence
that I was hiding from my own origin story.
Cowering in paralyzing fear
From the woman I was designed to be.

There are no red flags when you’re wearing rose tinted glasses.
Shelby Finger Aug 15
What am I? I am a woman.
A woman fully equipped with an understanding that can only be achieved through exposure to atomic *******. After twenty-eight years of familiarity with the follies of man, I’ve grown. I’ve grown into wisdom, I’ve grown as a mother, sister, daughter.
I’ve also LITERALLY grown. I’m an eighty foot tall spectacle.

For the ****, abuse, **** pics, war, objectification, toxicity, and laws of MAN, I arise from the depths. My frame paints a terrifying silhouette against the sunset streaked horizon.
I am an atomic monstrosity, a giantess hellbent on conquering YOUR world: to rampage is an understatement.
Donning a crown of destruction, with massive hands dripping in palpable carnage, I am a disastrous threat to YOUR society.

Run for your lives, mother *******. We are all transforming. Women are GROWING in 2020. We are gnashing, stomping, fire breathing vehicles of YOUR apocalypse. We brought you into this world, surely we can take you out. You done ****** up.

Collectively, we are making our debut. You won’t know it until we’re looking down on you. Most will be eaten, some will be spared (you know, not “ALL” guys). Your tiny lifeless bodies will litter in the streets, but only for the day—
It’s a new dawn, and we she-monsters clean up our ******* messes.
Thick and warm
The shafts of sunlight crashed through the western window against my freckled skin.
“What do you want to do?” He had the audacity to ask through a smile.
I cling the pillow to my guts in fear, but why?
He never hurts me—
Not in the way that a four year old could identify.
(I WANT to watch TV)
(I WANT to be with my sister)

He stood at the end of the hall
Distance, darkness, and my own self preservation masking his expression.
Really playing up the villain, he beckons silently with one finger—
I often wondered if anyone else saw.

The brain is a truly miraculous thing.
I don’t remember how many times,
I just remember the sunlight and
“What do you want to do?” He asked, and once I felt the genuine hope that only a child can muster.
“I want to watch TV.
I want to be with my sister.”
But, no.

Didn’t your mother teach you to not play with your food?
Riding in the backseat,
Picturing a stampede—
I want to know the feeling of my body collapsing into itself beneathe the
Twisted Metal.

Now we’re hydroplaning,
The foxes must be waiting—
I want to transcend the life I’ve known,
Because only broken girls turn the
Other Cheek.

Roaches scale my tiny legs
Close my knees so they can’t lay eggs,
I want to disappear into the woods and live among the wild hogs
And Sleep.
It sits shallow on my chest
Right in the middle where
My body works the hardest—

It spreads like rich honey
Drizzling between my ribs;
Infiltrating my guts.

It grows claws there
Digs into my thighs;
My bones ache—

It bubbles up behind my eyes;
Splashes back into my brain
Spilling out of my mouth—

Like finger banging
I
Do
This
To
Myself.
Shelby Finger Jul 26
I always liked you best at the movies,
a cozy darkness mostly concealing your face.
You were a blank canvas then,
I could impose whatever I wanted—
And I did so to make you love me.

I always liked you best in your bed,
Showing me, so carefully, your records one by one;
Side by side on our stomachs, still damp from the sweat of *******—
The closet light above our heads was harsh and unfriendly.
I put secret meaning in that moment, as if it would always matter to you as much as it mattered to me
I did so to make you love me.

I always liked you best when you talked about your future,
And all the things you’ll have to leave behind.
You could never commit to something sooner, leaving all this uncharted time between us,
I had hoped to serve as a worthy distraction, and
I did so to make you love me.

I always liked you best when I made you ***,
Your face too far away to kiss
Rapid crashing with the lights on.
You said it wasn’t easy—
You said it’s because I’m the kind of girl that doesn’t GET ******.
I memorized the pattern with the tenacity of a late night basement video game binge—
I did so to make you love me.
Shelby Finger Jul 26
The seconds
tick
tick
ticked on by into minutes
the minutes came out to a year.
365 days of ebbs and flows
I am physically exhausted
Emotionally accosted by all—

Unable to approach the mirror
Or face my melting features
I am 28 years old today,
with only empty hands to show...
See? I have nothing.

I’ll buy cigarettes today, no one can stop me
And move lazily through the aisles of **** I don’t need (44.19)
I’ll lay in bed and write poetry— sad poetry—
Get high and **** myself
Again
and again
and again.

I am 28 years old today
with only empty hands to show...
See?
I have nothing.
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