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Fox Mar 2018
But
It's his fault

He took advantage of you
(But did you ever ask him not to?)

He tried to talk
(But did you ever try to understand?)

He left you
(But would you rather him stay in a relationship where he felt trapped?)

He destroyed you
(But didn't you do the same to him?)

He still cares
(But all you do is wallow in self pity)

It's his fault
(But your to blame as well)
Sometimes all we do is criticize the speck in someone else's eye when we're to blind to see the log in our own.
e J Mar 2018
You once said I was loud so I became quiet
You once said I was selfish so I started to care more for others than myself
You once said I was illiterate so I flooded my brain with books and inarticulate words
You once said I was ugly so I put on so much makeup I was borderline unrecognizable

Loud
Selfish
Illiterate
Ugly

But then it’s too quiet
Then it’s self neglectant
Then it’s nerd
Then it’s fake

I couldn’t do anything right

You once said I was ***** so I wore short skirts and crop tops just like the rest of them
You once said I was different so I fit as much of myself that I could into a perfect little mold
You once said I was husky so I stopped eating lunch
You once said I was lonely so I started befriending more guys than I could count

*****
Different
Husky
Lonely

But then it’s ******
Then it’s wanna be
Then it’s anorexic
Then it’s *****

Trying got me nowhere and i’ll never be like everyone else
But wait.
Why would I want to be?
Since when I did I care about all that?
I was not loud I am just expressive
I was not selfish I’m just not open
I was not illiterate I’m just still learning
I was not ugly I just have flaws

Why did I believe you in the first place?

I was not ***** I just rock a turtleneck
I was not different we are all unique
I was not husky I just had thighs for days
I was not lonely…am not lonely.

So why would I change myself for the likes of you?
Ayeshah Mar 2018
To any who'd reads,sees,watch,listen&run tell THIS: I'M at A Place IN MY LIFE WHERE I AIN'T CHANGING FOR U & NO one else. Ppl You don't change for anybody else and if you can't or WONT rock with how I am then don't ******* rock with me for anything else! Deal with me how I am not for what you "think& thought" you could change me into. I got kids grown *** and not so grown *** kids and grandkids babies, I got bills u don't pay & don't care nothing about.I got mental issues on top of some other ******* issues and some more ****; SO IF MY *** TRYING TO SHOW U IM A GO AND GROW WITH U & FIGHTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU & I'M IN THE TRENCHES WITH YOU, WHILE HELPING yo *** CULTIVATE THIS ****- WE CALL FRIENDSHIP ROMANTIC OR PLATONIC ETC- then yo *** better not ever a day in yo life use me or try to run game on me! I'm going to love you regardless if YOURE RIGHT OR WRONG. IM A TELL U WHEN YA WRONG & yo u better tell me { NOT IN PUBLIC} EVEN THEN I GOT U BOO, BUT IF U KEEP UP THAT ******* AND IT AFFECTS ME OR MY KIDS AND all of OUR WAY OF LIVING OR hinders me from"MAKING A LIVING"; I will definitely DISASSOCIATE MYSELF FROM YO LIFE 100 %. EVERYONE knows me knows; I DON'T DO DRUGS & don't go round no one WHO does, not judging & I don't think I'm better THAN anyone too flawed to even ever compete... MY ONLY SO CALLED HABIT IS CIGARETTES, OF WHICH I GOT THE PATCHES FOR & SOMETIMES I LIKE TO DRINK MY WINE & WATCH NETFLIX- CHILL WITH whomever, BUT MAINLY BY MY GOT **** SELF. WHICH TOO, MOST KNOW I DON'T EVER REALLY MIND BEING OR DOING STUFF ON MY OWN! SOME PPL AIN'T GOT TO HAVE ME CUZ IM GONNA ALWAYS HAVE ME MYSELF AND I! I WAS BORN ALONE, IM GOING TO DIE ALONE &IT MIGHT BE NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE HOLD MY HAND AS I GO WHEN I GO. BUT BABY if you think or thought  I'd change for you this is your ******* wake up call! Listen; I've been in and out of foster care& group homes and in them; I was SEVERELY ABUSED, put down assulted and defamed etc. This ain't no sob story; been married a whole heep of times and went through similar **** like foster care etc with them so called men & was talked about like a dog & sometimes worse from so called family wether foster or blood etc. Ppl turned on me ,  believed lies & gave up our long standing FRIENDSHIP. I have been homeless and well off ; never rich{money wise} and have known struggles. I am sure many have similar stories; but this here is mines, I've danced on a pole and I'm not ashamed, I've worked in what I considered so called "Cooperate American", nursing& legal FIELD'S too
(white collard,blue,pink throw ups & more) lol and been to college many times. Im told by a a few psychiatrist that I'm a borderline genius but even Einstein couldn't tie his shoe without help! I have PTSD plus much more.SEEN DEATH &LOOKED IT RIGHT IN ITS FACE . WATCHED THOSE I LOVE&LOVED GO HOME TO GLORY - SOME OF EM WERE FROM MY WOMB.BEEN jumped stabbed shot at etc; I don't ******* scare easy baby and yo race don't mean **** to me unless it's you of whatever race color & Creed that's trying to do an injustice towards ME!So take me as I am or ******* delete me block me and or cut me off & outta yo life;CUZ I AINT CHANGING FOR YOU & NO one else!
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.®
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
Ben Mar 2018
Binge drinking my own facade
Thinking I have gotten far
Vanity is my bud
I have rolled the blunt
Smoked and inhaled
I see thick smoke
And my life starting to vanish
I sit and see life pass me by
While enjoying the lies
Pride leads to nothing but facade and lies.get over yourself... You need God and people in your life!
Ben Mar 2018
Your vanity compliments mine
Your vanity complements mine
Vanity
Oh, Vanity
I am love with your design
Being full of myself is more pleasing than being with someone sometimes, but vanity leads to nothing.
jas Feb 2018
she wonders why she's not good enough
tries so hard to make you smile
begging for attention
but it seems like its never worth your while

she puts on a touch of makeup
leaves her skin soft to the touch
with her hair and nails done
but you never seem to notice

looks back at what she's done wrong
self pitying and her esteem is low
tears shed from her eyes to the floor


"she's not my type, I'm just tryna pipe" - coming from a selfish f_"
excuse the language
Khaniek Feb 2018
I understand my selfishness now.
I’ve been greedy and careless with my wants and desires.
My world isn’t just about me,
So,
Here is my apology.

No one was allowed to get close.
No, I didn’t want you in. I needed control of every feeling and if you threatened that you were done away with.

Even now I am content with loneliness but it’s unfair for me to expect you to feel the same.
I had an epiphany or maybe you could call it divine intervention.
God loves me. I mean, He loves everybody, but when I think about the thoughts that I have and things I haven’t said,
He still loves me.
I’m sorry. .
I don’t know how to express the things going on in my head.
And what I’m writing probably doesn’t make sense,
I just thought it unfair that I wouldn’t do the same.
Allow them close.
You know,
the people who care.
Still, I am a work in progress.
At least I’m aware..?
I won’t promise to let you in or even invite you closer,
And I’m not saying it will never happen either..
Just not now.
I’m still learning love, to love.
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