They see me as the woman that's in control
The leader
The couragous
The strong

But the leading also need to folloe
The couragous knows fear
The strong can fall to their knees

They see me as a woman that's in control
When really only my friends keep me in one piece

Sometimes I hate self control

Why don't you just eat?
No
I can't

Why don't you just sleep?
No
I can't

Sometimes I need the self control

Why don't you just cut?
No
I can't

Why don't you just **** yourself?
No
I can't

Isn't it odd that
Self control
Both hurts
And helps me?

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me again, this is getting old.
Let's just skip to number ten, I'm way past just being bold.
I think I can do whatever I want
But no, consequences exist...
Backlashes exist...
Other people exist...
C'mon I need to resist!
Self control is my issue and I need it to survive.
Help, some one help I just need to feel alive.

Come to the wrong side of reality.
You'll find it enchanting.
You might set the world on fire,
Nobody will see you coming.
You might get lost,
Lose your ways in its sin.
For darkness is expanded
With no security.
Woe to those who say different.
Look around you and join hands
Make friends and shield your back.
Everyone's here to win.
They don't trust me on this.
Move on like the waves do,
And find another to riddle
Keep playing and fiddle em in pleasure.
To woe with people and their matters.
Be a tyrant of your own thoughts.
Look the other way,
Seep away it'll be worth your while,
Trust me on that.

Two chicken strips
and half an order of fries
and my stomach hurts like hell.
You tell me
that I need to be strong
more so now than ever
because falling apart will have
dire consequences.
I'm not sure which would be stronger:
Restricting my appetite further,
or giving in to the temptation of
more than one or two small bits of food
per day?
Whether it is braver
to suffer through the pain
of chewing and swallowing,
or to attempt to curl myself into nonexistence
behind a locked bathroom door?
Is it stronger to work for hipbones
thigh gaps
sipping wine from my collarbones
pointed curves and sharp edges,
or to "accept" my thighs
my stomach
the way my skin covers my hipbones
to the point of indistinguishableness,
barely being able to wear tight shirts
for fear of how my abdomen looks,
I promised a week.
I promised a week
but all I can think about is
the control that I'm lacking
wondering if it's not food that I'm starved for
but self-hatred
and self control.

Getting attached to someone
Is the one most ******
Up things you can do

Once you're attached
There's no turning back
It becomes too late before
You even realize

It is terrifying when you
Realize that someone else
Is in control of your
happiness

Because when they walk away
You find yourself stuck
Attempting to re-gain
Control of yourself.

**I Hate This