She finally did it
She had the nerve
It came as easy as 1,2,3
For you and me.

This was her breaking point
Her time to fly high
End all this pain inside
to just call it her end.

In her manic state
Impulse hit her
She wraps the rope
Around her neck

She pulls it tight
Her tears fall
Her breathing becomes
Shallow and painful
The room starts grow dark.

Time passes
uncertainty as to how long.
What is going on?
Am I still alive?
Why is it so cold?

I'm numb.
I cant feel anything.
No pain.
No love.
Nothing.
Its...

Perfect.
After all this searching
For what is missing
I have finally found it!
I've never felt better!

Then...
I start to see a light again
and breathing becomes even more painful
and the pain starts to come back..

NO
WAIT!
I'm happy here!
I fight, I resist
I don't want to go back
I cry - more pain
I feel - more heartbreaking tears
I remember - more terrifying memories
The world growing heavier upon my shoulders again.

I'm back..
What I once thought for a brief minute or two was my new safe place, Inner-peace pain free zone was only an attempt.

Now the question that circles is
WHY did you save me?






Right before Christmas (2015) the stress built up and I "tried" to **** myself. Though i did succeed for a brief moment and it was an attempt cause my s.o. found me and brought me back to life. though i am still sitting here question why and wondering what my purpose is. Ive had a tad bit of writers block but i want to get this story out there too so this is all i can get hopefully at a later date there can be a better poem.

If anyone is struggling with depression and ever is stopping to this level I am here to talk and I encourage it all I needed that night was someone to talk to and no one was there for me prior to the moment.

That screaming banshee
That lives inside
Forever taunting
Feasting on insecurity
Devouring the good
Promoting the bad

Self blaming

The you're worthless voice
You'll amount to nothing
Who the hell told you you could do it anyway
You are I N S I G N I F I C A N T
Just a waste of space

The you deserve this voice
Take yourself away
Make room for the people who really matter
Where is your warrior now?
She has deserted you too
She was never really your ally......

Pull the pin

Just do it .......  

P  u  l l   T h e   P  i  n

Tick, tick, tick......

Wait!
A whisper
Heard like a faint echo
From across the desert
Breathing, pulsating, awake

Walk away from the cliff edge
Eyes open
To truly see
The monsters that live inside
Weeping
Let it out
Find it within
It's there
Hiding
Give it
Life
Love
And
Just be

(C) Pixievic 2016

I let the enemy approach me
and cut my tender skin.
I let the blood run trembling
this fight I could not win.
My voice was gone from silent screams
bruised hands from angry fists

I found I wasn't half so *****
when my friends led me to your side
I had believed me rotten, horrid
Stained
But it was him who'd lied

In the worship of your presence
I felt your gentle hands
press down upon the open wounds
bind them in strips of white

I was once full of damnation,
But you called me and gave me salvation,
You saved me from evils' manipulation.
Anger was my motivation,
And desire for wrong things;my inspiration,
I had no hope for a future heavenly nation.
All I knew was condemnation,
But Christ,you took my hand and swept me off my feet,
Taught to me how to dance to your beat,
And my life is no longer under "the heat".

I've spent centuries
in this agony
My body changes
but time stays still

All this time I've passed
waiting to be found
like a bird inside a cage,
my feet chained to this ground

I can't keep my monsters at bay
but I can't run away

In the eye of each soul
all I see is fear
and my own still whispers
"I'm not from here"

By now I thought
I'd have more power
But at the end of each day
"it" still devours

Even though there's love in my heart
I still feel like falling apart

Each fight feels like
dark mirrors inside a maze
and all I see in this reflection
is my own empty gaze

My mind is light years
away from this place
Still the only thing that saves me
is your warm embrace

And when it feels like I have no choice
I recognize your voice

I'm so tired of this fight
But your love still keeps me warm
Together, we'll win this battle
Together, we'll breathe through the storm.

There was a girl who never asked anyone to stay
For she believed they'd all leave anyway
In winter, as the wind gets colder
So did people
She was engulfed by chaos, disaster and catastrophe
Until him
He was the sun in the dark land
The fire in the cold
The solace on earth
They ran
To be free
To be safe
To be happy
She feared the day they'd drift apart like continents at sea
But then he said "Always."
Kissed her forehead then continued
"Maybe not as constant at the sunset
Or as frequent of the crashing of waves
But as natural as breathing."
And in his loving eyes,
She saw that something gold
Can stay *after all

I've been on a journey, took a trip and a half.
Tempted by fate, I decided my path.
Took confusion and anger, mixed it with speed.
I created my hell, to which this journey did lead.
¨
I looked into hell, and saw twisted ******* inside.
They turned fear against me, my weakness was pride.
I refused to be broken, but searched for my  best
I found fear but a feeling, which belonged with the rest.

With a jump to my step, I put a skip in my charge.
My heart it was racing, my ego enlarged.
Returning once more, I made my way back.
To a world now so different, I climbed through the crack.

I faced my own end, with humility and grace.
I stared my own hell, straight in the face.
with choices so few, I rose on above.
My Instinct my guide, it lead me with love.

My life wasn't over, not ended complete.
And in my short madness, I defeated defeat.
Have strength my dear friends, there's hope each new day.
Remember you choose hell, and let it take you away.

We make our own hell, we breath in it life.
Fueling its fires, with anger and strife.
don't give in to darkness, be a star seen above.
shining your kindness and compassion and love.

Destroy your own hell, before its too late
your life is in your hands, don't give in to fate.
Take heed of my warning, and learn from my tale
Arrogance consumes you, and will cause you to fail.