I close my eyes
Forgot my mind
Or similar kind
Eaten by flies
I'm all alone
She is sick
Burning the wick
Speaks in groans
She can't breathe
She can't move
Please improve
What's underneath
Bloodied vile
Pills are lies
Make you die
I need a smile
Not alone
Please no
Feeling low
Empty phone
No one gets it
The sorrow
Covered in yarrow
Eyes filled in grit
Poisons my mind
You are gone
Blackened dawn
Wish it was my time
Give you air
Take my strength
Your heart sank
I will make it fair
My time yours
As I depart
Owner of heart
Don't fight any wars

Take it into your sacred place
Where nothing brings you down.
Search your heart for what is real
Don’t listen to the gossip in your town.

Leave the fakes alone,
Let them take themselves out.
If you lose money in a deal,
Walking away is what it’s all about.

Free your mind from illness and debris
Thank your God for being alive today
Take a step in the right direction
And get out of your own way.

I find myself taking breaths but not breathing

Gasping even for the slightest chance of a comforting breathing pattern.

This anxiety has me on my knees. Like a thief it's stolen my breath and my strength

The dizziness sprinkles hovering over me slow and faint...

I'm lost, but not lost...

I'm here, but the room spins, and I fear I may faint

The more people I see and hear the more dizzy I get

Eyes find me...

They watch me pretend to be fine

I'm pale and clammy

I want to disappear

Tears want to fall but I'm able to keep them in for a while

When they finally fall I say that I'm fine

I only need to sit down and get home, I say I am tired

This will pass, it always does

Another day ruined, because I have to go home...

My families face blanketed with disappointment...

Another trip failed

I feel their eyes and thoughts of shame and frustration

In my mind I hear the wishes

This kills me more than the burden of anxiety alone

I feel as if I never should have left home

I want to be part of my family, but when I'm in my room...

I feel they are much more happy and things are as they should be

These thoughts bring me tears even now

I'm so **** tired of letting them down

I spiral into darkness and depression, with an anxieties jacket

And I feel them question me, as if I wasn't cursed and this was just me being mean

I sink down inside me and pretend I don't know what they think

Once in a while I'll hear I'm a control freak

Once in a while I hear I am ******

I get blamed out loud for all of my *******

Since I'm definitely flawed I know there's truth to it

This...

This, is what's heart breaking to me

And me, knowing I'm broken, it sends me deeper into my room...

I'll take my **** meds in an attempt to **** what feels like hate

But on this journey I'm still alone, even when they say they understand

I've seen way to many eyes rolls to think that they know my torture

And they will never understand my real guilt...

They will never believe that even with my emotions fighting inside my heart and soul, my real torment is that I ruin thier day

And I'm afraid that it makes me so much less...

To them.......

I feel some times I shouldn't even exist

My selfish heart won't let me leave...

I love them, so much I can't imagine giving in

I love them so much I feel shame and selfishness....

The sun has set and darkness calls
Alone I walk down these empty halls
Silent speech on deaf ears falls
Surrounded by high built walls
The thing that shouldn't be has come
His very presence makes us numb
Speechless we're all struck dumb
To his rule we shall all succumb
The fires roar to the sky
Evil in every man's eye
Enemies all they must die
In the bed we made we lie
The waves crush upon the shore
Ever seeking evermore
Always out to settle the score
Never ready for what's in store
The temptation to give in
To every heedless mortal sin
To never loose but always win
To never stop but always begin
The master calls to his slave
Tells him to dig his own grave
Doesn't matter how much he gave
His soul just couldn't be saved
The temptress sings her siren song
Her nights are cold, lonely and long
Only looking for a man strong
But the love she gives is so wrong
The story ends where it began
As darkness rules and covers the land
It comes down to one last man
Will he cower or will he stand

Without Peace We All Know Where We're Headed......


Give peace a chance, will those of nobility declare
Intelligence of spirit, who could ever compare
Valiantly fighting the evil in the world, unwilling to fail
Earnestly helping those needy, without ever becoming frail

Peacefully sacrificing time and energy without ever reconsidering
Endangering themselves to constantly make a difference
Antagonizing the establishment for an instance
Coming home with battle scars to wear and none to share
Emphasizing they are not heroes, only that "they care"

Angering all others, for showing they disagree

Considering the options with nowhere to hide
Hiroshima and its aftermaths, would never subside
Attempting to disrupt, what those warmongers insist
No necessity to justify, the results do persist
Coming full circle does our world continue to exist
Ending in oblivion, if we don't learn how to desist

What is being honest?
When the ones you love are hurt?
You try to be transparent, but you're messy from all the dirt.

A Constant battle of head and heart.
Some things that cross the line.
You conjure up feelings you never knew existed
For Want of something that  never will be mine?

The definition eludes me the more I try to
Deflect,
The emotions that surround me from the moment we met.
Ambition is one thing, as success is another,
Turning new leaves,
with nothing left to uncover.
To live freely without love or be loved with a whole heart.
The grass is never greener when we go back to the start.
Be honest to yourself, to your woman or your man.
If you don't be strong now
prepare to be a part of someone else's plan.

Fire!
Seven shots sound
Seven shots heard

They lower you into the soil
You always passed on through each toil

Fire!
Seven shots sound
Seven shots heard

Mother cries into my shoulder,
I look away as i lose my brother

Fire!  
Seven shots sound
Seven shots heard

A heroes burial you deserve,
This nations life you did preserve.

I question my life so casually
I question my life like i wonder what tea to make
What song I want to listen too
Why the heater is so hot
You’re in another room sleeping but you are so much further
Another brain
Another person
Another room
I imagine what shapes your body makes when it sleeps
How many fractions of an inch your hair is growing tonight
I could wake you up and read you a poem but thats not what you’d want because you work early and when it comes down to it you will never get anything from my poems
I need to sleep so I can get up early
Because I will wake up with you
Even though I know I won’t be able to go back to bed
You’re so good at sleeping
Maybe life isn’t so casual for you

She has long, chocolate colored hair.
She has eyes that twinkle in the sunlight.
She has a smile that can light up even the gloomiest of rooms.
She has a figure that any girl would dream of having.
She has a beautiful face; not a blemish on it.
She has a warm heart that could melt a blizzard.
She has a way with words that is moving.
She has a scent of genuine and purity.
She has a mind that envisions so much, she could make me look blind.