Lord God, you are the author of life and creator of all good things. Everything is yours and yours alone. But I don't always (or often) act like it. I try to rely on myself to find success, to find my worth, to overcome challenges, to have control over my life as if I don't or can't trust you to provide what I need. I'm sorry. I have a hard time letting go. Letting go of hurt, pain, sadness, anger, jealousy, and I miss the times that were beautiful and filled with joy and love, laughter and peace. I'm sorry. Help me, Lord, to surrender my control to you. Help me learn to let go and give you all of me, keeping nothing back from you. Take the good and the bad Lord, and through your great grace, blanket me in your love and bless my heart and soul with a profound peace that comes only from you. I don't pray as often as I should and, many times, I talk too much and listen too little. Help me be patient Lord and give you a little time as you have given me this time that I have.

When I pray Lord, take me away to the secret place. Take me to where you are, take me into your most sacred heart. When life is just too much to bear, show me just how much you care. When life is simply too demanding, bless me with peace that surpasses all understanding. When the winds are fair and the seas are still, my soul as well is mirror tranquil. When the storm is swirling mad with rage, you will hold me and my fears you will assuage.

Thank you for this Peace.

Amen

Emotions are
Hard to express

But you’ve got
To move on
And reset.

Living like
You’re in hell

Damaging no
One else but
Yourself.

It’s not complicated
But it’s harder than
You’ll ever know.

Sometimes you
Have to face
The truth

And sometimes
You’ve got to
**** it up.

It’s not easy,
But persistence
Is key

You can’t do
It all for show.

You’ve got to
Put the effort
In yourself

And grow.

To a master,
There are only slaves.
To a lord,
There are only subjects.
To a king,
But vassals.
To a boss,
Are only subordinates.
Yet, in reliance
Who rules who?

Everyone has someone to depend on
Everyone has someone that will listen and understand
Must that be nice

How long did that take?
To let someone in.
To let someone see everything with the trust they won't judge.
How long did it take to muster the courage?
To let someone see the scars of my mentality.

It seems too much,
It seems like a hefty ask.
Yet
It sounds so refreshing.
To have someone to completely vent to,
that can be relied on to listen and not go away,
whose a permanent fixture rather than a temporary presence.

How long did it take to realize a physical being was needed?
How long did it take to allow light into the darkness?

I must sound insane if anyone could listen to my thoughts.
I am haunted by past words,
Haunted by the possible future,
Haunted by people I have let go of in fear.
What happens if I finally find someone I think I can trust,
But then push away just as quickly.

In times like these, it may be better to just stay in the dungeon
Stay hidden
Bottle it all up
Not a good choice but it is the default settings I am programmed to
Can I be re-programmed soon?
It gets kinda lonely in this dungeon of thoughts

Plenitude
in the heptagon
of gratitude
natural pride
the abominable defied.

I focus
so much on
that tiny piece of
paper that comes in
      every little cookie
          And when I don't
                Get that little piece of paper 
                            My day is ruined and         
                              nothing seems to matter anymore
              Why do I rely on such a tiny piece of paper?
               Generalized for the masses
          To give me something to look forward to.
        This means nothing
But it meant something in a moment,
and it could have meant something so
much more
If it were in the cookie.

you deserve your best
it is your right to achieve
but your responsibility also
the world owes you nothing
take (or create) what is yours
forge your weapons
win the wars you wage
but remember to respect
the freedom of others
lest it comes back to you