You feel that sudden chill
Suddenly you feel cold, though its summer
You have a lot of school work to do
But you go straight to bed
Just trying to sleep

Wake up, hear voices in your head
You take another smoke, in the closet
Better not get caught by your parents
That doesn't fix it
You fall back asleep, skipping school

You get blamed for something you didn't do the next day
Didn't stand up for yourself
You don't care about anything anumore.
You've lost that sense of feeling

Getting yelled at, a bit of abusement
But the only pain you feel is inside your head
Crippling into your thinking
Getting hold of your emotions
Never letting you go

You relapsed several times
You overdose on pills every day
But not enough to pass out
You then promise yourself one day to stop
But relapse again 2 days later

You meet someone people
Become friends; they don't know what you're going through
But the smiles, the talks, that makes you think....
Think about something...

You're not alone anymore
When you think about those suicidal thoughts again....
Think twice: you have friends
And someone who cares about you
That special one you think about everyday

No relapses; you stop on pills and self-harming
You start healing every day
Little by little
Still getting those thoughts
But they disappear quickly

You think about that person
Everyday; looking forward to see him
Your parents don't know about him
They would be mad at you
Telling you to focus in school
But no one can really prevent themselves from falling in love

One day, you relapse again
You think about what you've just done
You tell yourself that this is wrong
You stop, the relapse only lasting one day
You think about him again
You tell yourself you'll never do this again

Looks like you've healed
You're still depressed
Like ***** to you
But you got something to look forward to
Friends
That special one
That's all that matters to you now

You can't say you're alright
But you have hope
This will get better, right?
As you lie awake at night
Things are different now
In a good way

Life isn't easy to live through
Its hard to keep yourself alive
But now, you have people you care about
Something you didn't actually have in the past
"Everything will be alright." You tell yourself
Am I off the list of relapses?
It looks like it

None of the people I care about would like it
If they find out I'm hurting myself
So I'll not do it, for them
For me also
I'm off the list of all of those relapses
Slowling healing everyday
Thank you
You don't know exactly what I'm going through
But just by existing, you're helping a lot
And by all the conversations we have

It isn't for fun and games anymore.
That excuse wilted away.
In fact them are my very downfall.
Back then, **** was only a refreshment
And chosen were the days on it.
I was on guard and after
each introduction
Every reabsorbed indulgence
I walked it out of calling range
Chose not to be what I am now.
Financially funneling my nonexistent,
To make my way through **** work
**** pay, always broke...
Weak without; Penniless with it.
I need out.  Have little lapses.
I am not going to be a great loss.
Just one that couldn't let go
As fast as those that dabbled back then.

You've got some real nerve thinking we could be friends again,
And I've got a real problem telling right from wrong again,
I think I stood strong, you still wouldn't admit you were wrong,
I understand I was harsh, but don't forget how you led me on,
You threw me away and ruined what we had,
After you found more strife in another man,
Now I'm ****** up, because you couldn't keep your legs shut,
I know you'll try and talk to me again this year,
But this time, I might legitimately give a ****.

"Tame your dragon"
My teacher says...
Can I refuse this assignment?
Make a plan
she instructs...
My plan is to slowly self destruct.
But I don't think that's what you want.
Can I be honest
and say
that today
is not the day,
nor was yesterday,
that I honestly want to change?
I know I should
but I don't really know what to say...
tomorrow, maybe
I'll consider starting.
But it might just be
a distant tomorrow
cuz today my plan is relapsing.