Lay awake and sing along to the songs you like to sing
Hit repeat

Feel a sting, unexpectedly
Which it makes you think
about how such a beautiful thing
fell and crumbled at your feet

Looking in a mirror
I can only blame the one looking back at me
I need to sleep, I need to sleep
But Im too scared
to dream

My mouth is burned
By the acidic tastes
Of the orange rinds
And mistakes
Of the toxic paste
Driveled from my head
And out my throat
With haste,
And yet,
I never let go
Of the next bite.

I regret of what i shouldve done
regretting of my actions that i couldve done and put to an end
but know i didnt
most of all i regret the actions that you had to take
asking me in a
stare eye gaze
if this
if this is the right choice
i regret saying nothing when i know that you needed it most
only taking into account of my own feelings and not yours
regretting everything and anything
most of all i regret i dont have  the courage
to express myself to you
i regret that all i could do is write how i feel
forever
forever holding it  inside screaming and beggin to come out but yet here i am holding it in
SCREAMING
SCREAMINN TO MYSELF TO LET IT OUT
but yet here i am
all over again
regretting

There was a time
within me
I wanted to be
an actor
beaming
on stage
or a screen
big or small
no matter to me
after all
The exposure is nice
I guess
and all that kind of stuff
but that’s not what drew me to it
Just being an actor
was enough

I enjoy performing
and have a memory
for lines
One of those people
who can quote
a whole movie
It plays in my head
can fast forward
and rewind

But it’s easy to recite
the work of another
One who already
searched within
and discovered
what to emote
the affect
and such
To replay like a puppet
That’s not saying much
Could I nail
the scene
and get the feeling right?
When other actors work with me
maybe they might
get inspired
to the point
they become lost in the scene
We’re reliving
the story
A fantastic team
When the director yells
“Cut!”
all applaud and cheer
Tears in the eyes of some
touching memories
they hold near

The performance
The “art”
that’s what matters most
A singer belting out a song
or a comic
at a roast
The thought of it now
gets me giddy
and inspired
but yet
here I sit
In my chair
I am mired

Never took that step
Overcoming
all that fear
My doubts and insecurities
Worry how much others care
That fear
of failure
or that I wouldn’t
“measure up”
A deer frozen
in headlights
I am forever stuck

And as the time continues on
The days, and months and years roll by
Which is the greater loss?
If I failed
or never tried?

all the things you said
that night at 2 am
the pain I left you with
shattering regret that follows me like my shadow
it is scratched into the walls of my mind
how horrible I am
for finding myself
in someone else.
how I let myself do this
to someone I lived for
for someone who's absence
once ceased my desire to wake
to eat
to live
I have told myself many times
that my crime is not punishable by death-
that lie is the only reason I can sleep at night.
it is the only way I can stand to be alone with myself.
it was all the fear that I would never really have you
that finally drove you away

I always do
The same mistake.
I always do the mistake
Of getting close to you

This never benefits
But only calm storms
Momenterally
Only to find out
I've created another

I always do the same mistake
Of getting close to you
This fire is comforting
But the burn will cost me
My life

I would leave
This dreadfull place
If it wasn't so cold
Up in this hill

But worst of all
Worst of anything
Im losing
Myself

To get
Absolutely
Intirely
Nothing.

Few friends
Few conversations
Few nights in the same bed
I need a few shots
Please bring the jack
I need a few doubles
For a few hours of relief
Let me drown my sorrow
Get back to being clean when I sober up tomorrow

Who knew one drink thirty years ago would lead to this
Shaking from withdrawals
Sweating in a panic cause this fifty cents won't buy ****
Pacing back and forth as I stare through the window
All that beer and I can't have one
He's half my age and hasn't done ****
Thinking he's better then me
Already been trespassed
I have nothing to lose
I'm going to get mine

Through the door
Straight to the cooler
Grab three tall boys and head for the door
He stands blocking the exit
Five feet apart when he demands I put it down
Out my way I'm not feeling this today I warn
Neither giving an inch
Neither thinking after twenty five years this will come to an end

Face to face
Eye to eye
He gets a hand on one
I got a hand on my knife knife
He falls with the bottle
Standing in a blood filled puddle of alcohol
I step over his lifeless body
Staring at my son who never knew me
I stop and turn to look once more
With a tear in my eye
I lean down and find his wallet
Whispering I wish I could've been like you boy