sometimes i check on you
to see if you're still where i left you
where i met you
in the past
in the last bits of my adolescence and memories

in the renderings of broken dreams
and silly nightmares
when things aren't what they seem

and sometimes i think you meet me there too
...to see if im still broken
or lost without you
to see if i had mispoken
when i spoke of being through
to see if i was just mad and didn't know what to do

sometimes in my dreams
i'll let you love me
and i let you hold me
and i'll let you kiss me
and unfold me
because i know you miss me
and we're with no one to scold me
with no standards to uphold me

sometimes i miss you
so you visit me in my dreams
in between the scenes of the seams
you look for me in her
and you look for me in me
in places that are obscure

because we are unable to be
in this more than real life
because decisions you have made,
so you look for girls like me.
to one day be your wife

one of a kind
so although you look for me
you know you'll never find
the woman that i'll be
the woman that i've become
who'd you thought one day 'd have your son

the girl you see in dreams
is no longer yours
is no longer front and center
is no longer fore

you see the girl in dreams
and although you slip between
the cracks of all the seams
sometimes you'll get a look
and it'll make you feel a gleam
and other time's you'll get a peek
i see it when you sneak

you see me in my dreams
you travel through this fine line
to see me in my mind
to defy the realm of life
to see me one more time

Like time, are we found through serendipity.
Minutes, a mere tick to unfounded revelation.
Past, are the days when we go subtly by, dissipating into the night sky.

Like time, our corporeal spirits aloft into the pitchy sky.
The tender kiss, a gentle stroke, nuanced by the caressing love of the lunar above.

Like time, are we imprisoned in our own conscious. A mere abstract picture, blown into the winds, caught adrift, and veered into the dark streams of reality's heavy rift.

Like time, we are ethereal wayfarers: youthful beings marked by ephemeral nature, merely to trance the universe's wake.

And like time, our departure ticks till the last grain meets, and the sand flipped, to start all over again, and again, and again.

in waking life we are well fabricated lies,
personas perfectly tailored to the world's expectations.
it is when we sleep that we know our true selves;
our innermost fears and desires, the intricate complexities
of our daily lives woven into an elaborate metaphor
left for us to decipher. these cinematic masterpieces of the mind
often leave us with more questions than answers.
but every now and then, the subconscious realm leaves us a crystal clear message impossible to ignore.

All that is will be,
This life was never meant for me,
I took my miscarriage son's place,
in this great spiritual race,

what could he have been?
wise, judicious or saintly?
but no I took his place,
being down here is miserly and leaves a bad taste.

Does none of us ever ask what is left for me?
when time is so boundless and set itself free,
pray for all that is,
that we may not take the place of one another.

but be true to ourselves,
and love one another.

In a bizarre place
The moment I looked to my right
I slowly get to my pace
But before, I took a gaze

I think I saw an angel...
Taking a second glance,
I notice closed-folded wings
Well now I'm sure,
He's my guardian angel

One word:
Purity. To describe him
That look in His eye,
Chilling my nerves
Fulling the sight
Oh, eye-to-eye

Wavy, curly hair
Brown and blonde fair
With length up to chin
Such gracious Mr. 'Him'

Small lips
Bright scene
Ambience light
Feelings aright

Pointed nose
Moreno skin
Like those, calm,
Tanned in the seashore

Glowing, aura around him

A mesmerizing sight
His eyes, pure, innocent light
Oh Love, how I love you
Singnifying Almighty's presence

Worn, fine-linen robes
I'd like to touch, to feel
His warmth, emanating
From his to me
I'd like to---

Smiles, I hugged him(!)
I just did it(!), out of love, joy
It seems fast, fast yet slow
His expression, quite surprised, yet not
But his eyes, that concern he has
I see= compassion (love)

Oh how I wish to be just like that,
Forever, with God, Jesus
Meanwhile, a hope remains,
"Someday"

I came to my retreat,
I noticed a single folded li'l paper
He held, opened
In mine's interpretation, it reads,

(promises he'll keep,)
No matter what,
I'll send to proclaim thy message
Whenever one need thee

(and many more, I left unnoticed )
~

Then he made me feel,
I have to go somewhere

Where?
God knows
How?
God knows

Then in a distance
I saw a woman approaching
So beautiful,
Of course, hey, she's my mother

She led me
God, and angels,
They lead me

I dreamed of this, and now I dreamt it

( in the end, what matters to me is that even once, I know God is with me. And love follows wherever I go)

Taken in God's arms forever.
The physical realm has lost its power.
The spirit world is where I am born.
The physical world mere Lego to form.