Who has...*
Who has actually been to the center of the universe?
Who has seen what happened in ancient times?
Who has found the nature of why life somehow exists?
Who has seen every last invisible aspect of your life?
Who has proven that aliens actually can not live?
Who has been to every planet and seen what lies beyond?
Who has knowledge of empty void and why it's filled?
Who has the answers to these questions all along?

I have...
I have seen the world from tiny human eyes
I have been there when the earth shook and rolled
I have seen smoke billowing from fires into the sky
I have heard many songs and sang them myself
I have seen every star in Orion's belt in the night
I have felt joyous and alive and free and well
I have had love and lost love and experienced sadness
I have learned to except my weaknesses and even death
These are few things, but until I see more, I should
Know when and where to not "teach" of "things so high."

i'm picturing that
big blue house
off library street
and thinking

(also planning
on telling everyone
i've become catholic
if the need arises)

about the assorted
times i've spent there
assorted times i've
avoided spending there

(but maybe a different
religion would make
a better lie i've got
to keep it believable)

fully planning
on at least one
anxiety attack after
i get home

(maybe something like
buddhism or celtic polytheism
i'd say satinism for the laughs
but that's just too extreme)

maybe more
like a whole
half week of
anxiety

(oh wait no need
to plan for that
i've already built
my life counting on it)

religion
what a messy
situation when
you've got one
but you don't
believe in it

chaos
what a simple
chain of events
that follows an
internal denial of
right and wrong

(when all i wanted
was christianity
internally not
relationally or
socially or
judgmentally)

and what a dark
mentality that a
nice person has
light inside

(a mentality of
honesty is one
of many things
i try to hide)

on the other side
i don't believe or agree
with catholicism
but it sounds like
something i
could get into.

*(but if admission into
heaven were half priced
wouldn't there be scores
of folks and media masses
on the ground and in the air
reporting new religious traffic?)

(i wonder sometimes
if they miss me)

on saturday nights
of poking away on
someone else's laptop

on sunday mornings
of flustered staggered
movements behind backs

(do they miss me
do they even notice that
i'm gone or is somebody
else better than i ever was?)

is anybody else as
frustrated as me?

or was i the exception to
some typographical rule?

and do they wish that
i was still around to fix
all their mistakes

(to get walked on
at short notice)

can they even tell that
i'm not the one behind
the screen anymore?

i don't know
but i wonder

(if anybody
misses me)*

if anybody
remembers me

because i can't
forget them.

if a time should come when I know your face no longer
remember us comfortably shirtless, talking and laughing in the car
Leave the resentment to the wind and
let's not speak of heartbreak any longer
just remember our hearts wide open
ready to love, vulnerable
beating together- racing to let go first
running from our emotions
as if time was limited
the world was ours and we let it fall through our fingers
I hope to see you again, comfortably shirtless, talking
But if I don't, tell them of our laughter and poetry
That it felt as if our souls were one
Smile, when they ask about me

Was it wrong to dream so big?
Was I wrong to care so much?
The stars they stay align.
It almost seems unfair.

(Was it wrong, was it wrong)

Was it wrong for me to stay?
Was I wrong to speak that love had no name?
The streets seem empty tonight.
I almost feel alone.

What was that thing you said?
No I am not afraid.
Goodbye just means another day,
In this dark emptiness.

Was it wrong for me to run so fast?
Was it wrong to say everything alright?
Seriousness is not another cover,
It's just another ploy to hide away.

(Was it wrong, was it wrong)

Was it wrong to cry?
Was it wrong to finally be strong?
Everything I knew,
I knew nothing.

Here the ocean divides in two.
Let happiness float deep below the waves.
The reality is better set far away,
Don't ever get close enough to feel,
Maybe then you'll fall apart.

Was it wrong to dream so big?
Was I wrong to care so much?
The stars they stay aligned.
It almost seems unfair.

(Was it wrong, was it wrong)

Was it wrong for me to stay?
Was it wrong to speak that love had no name?
The streets seem empty tonight.
I almost feel alone.
What was that thing you said?
No I am not afraid.

Goodbye just means another day
In this dark emptiness.

Em S.

Everyone seems like they were so much older when they were my age,
They always knew what to do,
But for me, for now,
My brain is still buffering

I can't quite make it one full day,
without wishing I were a kid so I could go out to play.
But as a kid looking at the men standing tall,
I always wanted to be one of them,

But no, it's not just what it appeared to be,
From my vantage point in my beech tree,
For I'm still the same kid, only two feet tall,

Why?
Why do I fell the need to tell people about how depressed I am?
Why do I even need to tell them? Shouldn't they notice?
If they care so much, why do I need to point out how depressed I am for them to notice?
I know it gets irritating for them. I understand because I get irritated at it too.
I don't want to.
I don't want to feel the need to point out simple things that could be noticed in a single observation.

8am solo endless drives in
Purgatory
Will you remember me?
Will you still say say my say my name
Or have I disappeared into all these varying shades of 8am
Have I become the way I looked at him?
Will I fade here? Or will I reignite only to show you up
Turn up and burn up I know you never wanted me
Just wanted the person you imagined me to be
Now all I see is the white lines of this highway
Purgatory
Will you remember me?
Will this be
Forever?
8am fade out good so slow
I'm nobody's baby so nobody needs to know
My glass bloodwork and hazy brain
I know you don't see me the same
Purgatory.