By Arcassin Burnham


Use to think about sitting with you down at the bridge,
use to dream about the times where we would kiss and
every breath I took I fell in love with you over and over,
like a sad roller coaster getting ready to fall off the rails.

Trying to forget the past like every human being,
but every human being don't wanna forget,
like That friend that stole all your friends,
that same friend that sat there and told you friends to the end,
what did he do? didn't Recognize you again,
Now lets get something straight,
Didn't your mom ever tell you to worry about you and no one else,
not even your spouse,
This world is so bat-**** insane that everything is corrupt now,
so much bad order in this country they expect you to bow down,
yeah your trust,
is a no no,
licensed gun,
make it so so,
No lives matter obviously,
I don't know,
where to go go,
scared of death,
not scared to face it,
looking for a way out of the matrix,
I could care less about the systems wealth,
save your self.

Never again will I let myself be someone's back up plan.

I was a back burner, in the shadows, half forgotten back up plan. The last thing to be thought about, and the person to be considered least. I was a placeholder to keep the loneliness and isolation at bay.

All I wanted in life was to be made to feel wanted. To finally be able to claw my way up the priority list. Maybe that's what it was.

I was not a priority.

I was nice to have around. Convenient.

I mean, distance, seperation, empty promises... I took all of it. But not only did I take it, I returned it with love, patience, loyalty. I gave time, money, energy.

Everything I had.

Everything that made me who I was as a person.

In fact, I gave so much that I lost who I was. I forgot what it was to be...me.

So when he left, when I was no longer convenient to him, he took everything with him. My laughter, my joy, my ability to find the silver lining in any situation. He took my faith, my trust, my belief in others...

But, he did leave me with something at least.

He left me with a shattered life. He left me with trust issues. With depression, and anxiety attacks at work. He left me with more tears than can be counted and endless empty tissue boxes. He left me with a shell of who I once was.

And he was gone.

I guess when it's not a priority, it's easy to leave. When the one person who sacrificed everything she had...who gave every piece of herself.

But, HE was his priority.

So no. Never again. I will never be a back pocket, third place, maybe one day girl. I will never let myself beg for affection and love again. I will NEVER be made to feel unwanted. Forgettable. Disposable.

I want to be wanted. I want to be THE priority. Because when you truly love someone, they will always be your priority.

Otherwise, you never loved them at all.

Just the convenience of them.

I need me more than I need anyone else.

Because when I needed everyone else,

No one needed me.

And you know what, it's ok.

Because I don't need them, anyways.

Step by step one step at a time
One by one, one step at a time
Whether you are climbing up a flight of stairs
Even while climing down a flight of stairs
Always better to keep in mind and also follow the same
Always take one step at a time.

Decide first what needs to be done and then decide what needs to be done to get done what's decided first.
Definitely priorities come first
So always better to start with the topmost priority,
followed by the next and then so on and so forth.

Nature of things definitely matter, but what matters more is how to get the things done.
Keeping this in mind and with this as an aim,
it's always better to set priorities and follow the same.
Always better to take one step at a time, followed by the next and then move on further.

The present moment in time belongs to you.
You have got it’s ownership, utilize it to the best of your ability.

If there is something that is much more important,
even more than the topmost priority on the list of priorities,
then that something is in the present moment of time.

If this means even if you have to take the right direction, start with the present moment of time.

Moment by moment each moment in time passes by when a search is made for one perfect moment in time.

It’s all in the present
Everything belongs to the present
Memories when they get recalled,
it’s the past that gets revealed in the present.
When time is spent in ascertaining the future,
it’s the future that belongs to the present.
It's all in the present.

All said and done,
all in all,
it’s all in the present.
Everything belongs to the present.

A conscious mind not only knows the person inside very well, but looks at the outside world in much more detail.

Hence it’s always important to keep in mind,
all you have got to deal with is the present,
much more importantly,
the present moment in time is very important.

So just stop worrying about the future,
live in the present,
definitely at some point in time in present life will smile upon you.

I could smell your scent that lingered from within as I hugged my pillow and walked through my altered reality -- so habit-forming yet suffocating.

I should have known ahead of time so I could have avoided it in less than time but it was too late and I was at fault. I don't spite you for possessing such addictive aroma, I spite myself for betraying itself -- falling for such debacle trap.

Now, I am at peace in my stream of thoughts and images as ideal universe where no one could tell on when shall I be going back to what-so-called "reality" in norms.

I question everything
I question my life
I question my past
I question this world
I question for answers
I question what I don't know
I question myself
I question in search of light
I question first impression
I question every session
I question their reason
I question every season
I question their treason
I question where is the love
I question why all the hate
I question the state of mind
I question all the time
I question way back in time
I question for you, me, all of us...