Wary of the worth of a moment in mortality,

consider this from

everafter. This
now
right
thought, breath of fresh
heirloom memory thread for ever more,

for what a measure of attention spent here
is worth, in terms of how we
spend hours predicting next tic
of being being us humans, wait, we or us, is
there here an ob-sub
top-bottom,
in-out
on
emerging dis-asterisk-ic fawking aural tic

me-chanical, i can-icles,

grinning like a fool, without the fool's feeling
seeping to the surface.

Each fool may take for granted hearing ears,
I say I think is true, so
I let it be true,
I believe.
y'know.

--- Leave me say, I had help. At the unbelief stage,

--- in old age, I mean, being dared to pray,
aloud
so all may hear. In 2019, that's louder than any Muza whatchallah
minaret con
cinco de-ift instancio
todo dia

WHAT LIES DO I BELIEVE?

First, I believed I knew what you believe believe means,
as an activity
we manage.

So, an answer,

it seemed, but there are all manner of unaccounted for
idle words, piling up to critical
mass

Each word ever formed to hold a meaning fast for use in futures,
past the edge of
our bubble,
dear reader, ami Am I ity or enmity --- Can't your Great Mind Requiring

Proof Positive Points Pretend?

Good, let's pretend to be.

Some days it's going to hurt
Its going to feel like my body is a stiff, unforgiving cocoon
And my vibrant colors are trapped deep inside and aching
Some days my bed feels like a cage of comfort
Self soothing but at the cost of others
I **** on a pacifier at night sometimes
Dipped in honey
So I can just barely connect with my cousins
Maybe tomorrow I'll fly with them

Sometimes I get real sad
That I don't have hard edges, and defining lines
I have dimples and ripples
Covered in marks and scars and hair
Take refuge in a branch that appreciates me
Enveloped from the sun
Barely audible whispers through growing tangling veins
Saying I'm enough
But others think I haven't hatched yet
That I have work to do
A droplet catches
I'm sensitive

Sometimes I understand it deeply
as deep as I'm inside myself
Other days I fantasize about breaking out
Vibrantly, with elegance
But at the end of the day
Beauty, and what that means
Isn't exclusively me
or you
There's no right way
Or wrong
I'm not a project
Or an unfinished song
At the end of the day
Its every single piece

And when it comes to yours, someone sees

When these words turn to songs and symphonies
and you're just a mental stain
you'll regret the way you treated me
and all the things you've said
I'm destined to do it big
and even if I don't
I deserve better and I'll get it, cutthroat

do you see it in me?
I don't care if you do
I've wasted so many days
wondering about you

so I'll close my laptop shut
and hustle through the night
I never believed in me
I never felt quite right

but the pain can be channeled in ways you don't realize
and the gain through it all will be my pretty prize

Let it flow, direct it, connect it, project it
don't let anyone else's opinion affect it
you're perfect, you're worth it, rebirth it
trade nothing on this planet earth for it
and then give it all back to the world, return it
got a bad thought? do what you can to deter it

You're meant for more than you're willing to tell
make sure you take care of yourself
only shower in hot water and affection
stop hanging yourself
on unreturned attention
if you're unsure about someone
focus on you for awhile
and when you're feeling at your lowest
force a brilliant smile
it will get better
as long as you leave bed
emotionally dead
but steady getting ahead

I don't have time for petty pursuits
And you've taught me that most people don't tell the truth
so my course of action
is the opposite of you

I'm so done with praising others
raising them above
with my love
a surrogate mother
the umbilical cord rots
knots block off outside approval
I've got the tools of the trade
for an at home removal

I came across a picture today
Just browsing the web for awhile
A picture of some regular people
And I fell in love with their smile

Just regular people enjoying life
It's something I wish I could do
Their eyes bright and full of life
Their happiness you can feel thru n thru

I know I can and one day I will
Have a beautiful life and lifestyle
One day people will see a picture of me
And say I fell in love with his smile

I miss Marseille,
today,
though I can still see her,
I know I'll soon be on my way.

The dusty rock,
the hills embrace her,
the wisps of mist,
I miss Marseille,

her way, an understanding that:
if you can't, you don't pay -
prix libre they say -
associations of the worlds strays.

I miss Marseille
and hearing what she has to say,
on walls, from squats,
saying what's often neglected, forgot.

She's frank and clear
and has time for every kind of queer,
I long for her to lead me astray,
to change; I miss Marseille.

Always. The Sun,
the passage of the days,
anticipation at reaching ever corner,
a confluence of culture, Marseille the forum.

Tunis, Algiers; I can smell
the North of Africa,
hear the sails of all the boats
that traffic her,

I see them line the shores
of every bay
that twist and turn along Marseille,
Swigging from my bottle of beaujolais.

****, I miss it.
Just the thought, I can barely resist it,
I could pack it all up and leave today,
For Le Plein, Cours Julien, For alive Marseille

It belongs to all it's people, to us
and if you try to take it
watch the fuss,
the fury and the disorey,

****, I ******* Love Marseille.
Everyone's on the cusp of Love & Hate,
either knocking on or burning down the gate,
all indulging in their collective fates.

Now, a Picon beer with a slow sunset,
please know, I have not one regret,
just lessons from my passions
and ideas from everyday chic/schlague fashion

I will miss your elevator kisses,
your smile in the stormclouds,
the lightning,
so exciting and frightning.

I loved it when you hated something:
The tourists, Men suffocating the street.
I loved seeing how you could eat,
you will always be an inspiration

So, it will be fine, okay?
So long, Marseille,
with your West facing bay,
you are forever blue in my memory, never grey

But, I will miss you, Marseille,
and that's okay.

I'm afraid of what others think
And what they will see
I'm not perfect at all
I'm scared to be me

So many faults
Too many I'm afraid
Not happy at all
With choices I've made

Life moves along
It's direction can be swayed
Don't care what others think
It's your life don't be afraid

I'm aware.
Just sitting here.
Aware of the sounds of the sweet music, like a nectar in my ear, awakening every cell in my brain.
I'm aware of the soft blanket touching my bed.

Oh how long have I been asleep for, before awakening into this life.
For I have been lost for so long.
It's been a dream state. I've been a dream state for so long. But I don't want to anymore.

I want to awaken and smell the flowers. To feel the gentle touch of this life. Of the reality that I am born into to understand the depth of the life I have been so gracefully granted. To hear the children laugh and to see the kittens play.

For I have been in such a long slumber,  the time before I did not understand, I did not see, just floating in a dreamworld so preoccupied and unaware.

But now... Now I am aware, Now I am alive more so than I was before. I live and breathe with ever ounce of my being. No more doubt no more resistance or hesitance, no, now I breathe. I breathe the air that I have been given. I breathe.

The night is perfect.

Cold air relief
From the loud
Heat of the bus.

Beyond the road
People laugh
And embrace;
A perfect soundtrack
That ignites the silent stillness.  

I don't know where
You're coming from,
So I look both ways:

Left.
Right.
Left.
Right.
Left.
A headlight!

Every time
An approaching car
Announces itself
Through engine and gravel,
I turn and look up as
A speedbump throws light
Flaring through my retina,
Obscuring everything,
So that for a few seconds,
I have no idea
If it's you or not.

And with each passing car,
My anticipation
Grows.
And my excitement
Grows.

I am happy.

Sometimes in life,
you just,
have to look at the bright side.
It feels like,
everybody is just so negative.
There is so much hatred,
and pain in this world.
If you think about it though,
we could make it so much better.
So, just stick with the right friends,
never lose hope,
and look at the bright side.