is not just mental,
but physical;
each side of the brain droops,
slowly sinking downward
pouring a lack of tears into either eye
which, when they fall,
drag down both corners of the mouth
their weight reflective upon every *****,
every limb
and all the pieces that once made up a person,
now,
too heavy

he says, "I want you."
but he means it in a different way.
I can't have the physical without the emotional
getting in the way.

I say, "I want you."
and it doesn't really matter.
He can't do emotions,
physical is his only factor.

You
With your
Presently
Bending
Curls
Beginning
To grow back
Starting again
To tickle
My fingertips
Your soft hair
Contrasting
Every rough
Outer Edge
That makes up
You
Every Edge
That I have
Only barely
Begun
To soften
Like sharp
Edges
Of my
Childhood
Sea glass
Tumbled
With Sand
I wait
Patiently
To see how
You form

The corners
Of your face
Two
Sharp
Almost
Right Angles
Come together
At your chin
Just below
A blonde
Patch
Of sunlit
Beard
That sits
Beneath
Your
Lower lip
Curling gently
To meet
Its upper
Half
Though rare
To glance
Your direction
And catch
A comet
I call
A smile
Here
is one
of my
Favorite
Pieces
Of you

Your southern
Eyes
Though
Baby blue
Say nothing
Of sympathy
They hold
Cool curiosity
At times
Your gaze
Is softened
Before shifting
Looking past
Me
Settling Shortly
Like you
Then Quickly
Growing
Restless

Your Dimples
Press in
Lifting
The corners
Of your smile
Erasing
Your gruff
Canadian
Edges
Only Briefly
Before exiting
With your
Adorable
British smile
At times
Your little
Crescent moons
Hide
Camouflaged
Into your face
Covered up
By both
Coarse and soft
Red and blonde
Rough and welcoming

Your arms
Hardened
Wrap around
Me
Nothing
Of you
is Forgiving
Your body
Doesn't budge
As I lean
Into yours
With mine
Folding myself
Into your
Chest
Against your
Body
The softest
Part of you
Is me
Like Sandpaper
You rub away
At my skin
Lifted calluses
Of your palm
Take to
Curved Edges
Of my
Rounded corners
All the more
Smooth
in your
Embrace

You
Move
Me
Up
And
Down
You fill
My body
With yours
Pour me
Full
Of curiosity
Of daydreams
Of yesterday
And tomorrow
Emptied
To come back
For More
I want
To keep
My eyes open
While you
Kiss me
I want
To see
You
Like my
Sea glass
Rough
As you
Pull
And
Push
And
Tumble
Away
Softened
Moving
Into me
As the flesh
Of my cheek
Falls
To your chest

You
And your squinty eyes
You
And your pretty smile
You
And your tall height
You
And your skin whiter than mine

All these things
Are what I physically like
About you
But you're more than that
That adds more thing about you
Do know that
I love you
Because you're
**YOU

Once
You spoke of our souls living out their days in the garden of Eden.
Yet you were the one who bit into the forbidden fruit
Condeming me as you have been,
Being tempted by the devil you have killed me
Taking that discarded bone that was my life and driving it though my pale and aguished heart.

Have I confused you with my bible references?
Let me clear it up for you

You were my everything and yet you harmed me
I forgave you because I loved you and therefore made excuses for you
But once my excuses started falling upon the deaf and dead
I felt it right to leave your chambers for more than just one night

I heard the words of a spoken word poet and fell in love
And the more I wrote like she, the more I realized what you did to me

I realized that your words were cold and your fists were hard
The grabbing of my side was a mear warning I did not listen to.
Unintentionally, I was right in saying you would be the death of me,
But I certainly said it in the wrong context.

You were my abuser.
You gave me chocolates and flowers and teddy bears to keep me happy and smiling
To keep me unaware of your manipulation and beatings of words to my skull

You may not have hit me,
But You might as well have
Because emotional and verbal violence, is abuse as well

Now let's contemplate.
Almost two years I put up with you but it was maybe a year that you had acted strangely.

Yet I stayed
Because of you put a frog into boiling water it will jump out
Yet if you put a frog in warm water and slowly turn up the heat,
It will stay until it dies.

That was our. And every other abusive relationship darling.
You were kind and caring and loved me much
I trusted you and that was my end
For I'm sure if I stayed like I wanted to,
Id be the frog in boiling water

But I'm not,
I'm a survivor
I'm a free woman
I'll always remember you, trust me I will
I'll remember a monster and then my friend
Because your last words to me left lasting impressions
"You were wrong to leave me"
No, darling
I was wrong in not leaving sooner.

This weight on my chest

This feeling of 100 punches to my gut

The pounding of hammers in my head

The feeling of a blade slip through my fingers

The smell of iron in the air as the thick red water drips and flows

All these pains and yet the worst feeling I've felt was the crushing blows of your words echoing in my ears.

Your words weighing heavily on my heart like an Anvil defying physics.

I feel the pressure and it's caving in...