A moment in time and space,
a white scar against a fawn hand
indigo iris inside a colorless eye,
and burning rose into pale cheeks.

This was permanence, before it was
torn apart by its own user,
in anxious desperation for the
imminent future, which promised
absolutely nothing to her.

And they wondered why she couldn’t
get on with the others.
More to be seen and less to be
heard,
a quiet life to be lived out,
alone; painlessly.

To know or not to know that is the question. I mean; I already know, I took it once. Yet that once was back before the continuous onset of diarrhea (which could have been caused by the accidental switch up of my stir fry or the unending pastries I filled myself with), before the sniffles and the sneezes (caused by the cold wearing a too thin jacket to the gym), before the exhaustion (wack sleep schedule). I knew before all of that. And even then, that know was a rapid test (but still a test) which could’ve been wrong. So, should I? Should I take it again? Or should I go about my day, and attend dance practice with none the wiser?

…still there? Hey, where’s she gone?

Oh, she’s at dance practice.

She said baby pick your poison
We'll silence all the voices
we'll **** the Paranoia
we're hopin'
we're hopin'

We don't know where we've been goin'
but I know that we've been glowin'
we're rollin'
we're rollin'
we're floatin'
we're floatin'

Shorty you and I was getting high and living up the moment
saw your eyes and they had me feeling golden
oh hold it
Didn't know where it was goin
I'm broken

I'm not one to tell a lie, my cup was overflowin'
hit my line a couple times and I was falling
for it
Falling
oh ****

I just want to freeze this moment
I just want to hold it
I just can't leave this moment
and now I'm frozen


I said shorty pick your poison,
all the **** the we were smoking
all the fear and all the loathing
Wasn't loving only coping

And I been feeling so numb
pale skin n frozen blood
nicotine
in my lungs
falling in and
out of love

And I know I ain't living right
but you know I'll pull up when it's right
and I won't deny I'm living quiet
on the low
dreaming coast to coast.

She said baby pick your poison
We'll silence all the voices
we'll **** the Paranoia
we're hopin'
we're hopin'

We don't know where we've been going
but I know that we've been glowin'
we're rollin'
we're rollin'
we're floatin'
we're floatin'

and she's been living on the low
said baby pick your poison
if it's me then I'll be goin'
if it's me then I'll be goin'

I wish that I could trust my brain
To, at the very least, remain the same,
Forever wed to depression's corner.
In the dark, growing colder.
But now Paranoia like a flower blooms,
And I hear the footsteps as he haunts my room,
Breathes down silky skin of neck
To prove he's there and away I shan't get.
His shadow lurks around every turn,
And he taints the world with smells that burn.
I am lonely in this terror
Of stalker and murderous specter.
I tell them he's coming to get me,
But alas, only I can see him.
I wish that I could trust my brain,
But it makes monsters all the same.

~
"Satellite, oh, satellite
who sits upon our skies
how deep do you see
when you spy into our lives?"

This is for when
coyote called
into the ether
connecting heaven to earth
For when
glasnost sang
and velvet revolution
twinkled in the humming air

This is for when
the quiet hedges
of lilies and remains
came out of darkness
For when
the misty curtain man
shopping for codes and antiquities
poisoned the salt shakers

This is for when
a spy in an alcove
twisting the thermos tops
to his dark-eyed sister
shelled the transmitters
of Radio Free Europe
For when
his wife refused

This is for when
working in the glass structure
of a Cold War
made spider and I
a measured room
an arc of doves
For when
the last step from the surface
was the end of a thin cord
~

See you everyday
haven't seen myself (in quite a spell)

my brain is
an abandoned building, a dry well

I traced your phone call
to some viral spiral

I'm connected to you
in a spider-like way

--webs, phobias and decay

the essence of life is
reproduction and mortality

see you everyday
in shivering downloaded depravity

your starry smiles
your synthetic ciphers

and I'm all alone again

this body is a safe house
this fear, a panic room

but the enemy within
is always right under my skin

these sheets so incredibly warm
wicked, yes, i think the window is shattered
like everything else in my writing, my
pain
it is shattered
covered, tossed aside
i feel better alone
there is nothing of value in the present
i am the 5 am paranoia kicking in,
the work lying there on my desk
as time ticks past its due date
each line in the wood floor
watered by tears
there is
nothing of value
anywhere