History is inherently
full of self-depreciation
studiously staging its ugliness.

It masks the truth of its beauty:

The painful present
birthing breath to the future.

© Qwey.ku 2023

I fell in the past
while the agony embrace me tightly,
I wail silently, only for the echoes to come back to me,
As nothing fills in here,
Because everything is back to the present days

My heart is an anchor,
Attached to the past
Trapping my mind,
To replay the detestable dreams

I slipped away from the dark,
Only to bring me back in the past,
As I follow the path, it just slips back,
Because everything is back to the present days

Why am I left alone?
When did I realize that I am here alone
When we are supposed to climb out together

I kept on wandering,
Wondering,
If I should swallow the misery,
So I could send my heart to you

Why am I the only one trapped in the past
when the earth keeps on spinning,
Did the time stop or did I?

i heard a distant thunder
acknolgment of truth
it called me to make a wonder
from memories of youth

sat upon the stairs afraid
heard a painful cry
asking for assistance
i sat upon the stairs afraid

if you want to leave me behind
i understand.
your mind had blinders that
leave you stubborn
you refuse to believe anything good
could come of this
as if it were up to you alone to hold
the weight of the world
a goal so admirable
yet so misguided
you light yourself ablaze
& complain that it's too warm
as if you didn't pour yourself in gasoline
& light the match
all this pain you burn yourself in
is purely self-inflicted
& i got caught in the crossfire

you lock me in the coldest recesses of your heart
as i watch you burn down
the most important thing in my life
where are the words to stop you
what strings of vowels could my mouth make
to push you into the safety of the water?
if you would only let me free
i would be there to pull you out
i promise you i would never let you drown
if only you let me be there
to be your lifeguard

It's funny being berated for being too busy,
It's funny being told I do too much for others,
Or that I cannot save everyone,
That not everyone wants my help,
That some do not deserve it
And that I should rest
Before I burn out,

What those self righteous,
Albeit well meaning in their way,
Characters do not know,
Cannot know having never done
Such as I do every day,
Is it never burns you out
To help a fellow soul,

They do not know the reward
That the occasional acknowledgement,
Or simple "thanks" bestows,
Or how it charges batteries
Back to fully fit,
However low
They may have been,

But in one respect,
Although they do not know it,
My judges and detractors are
Painfully correct,
For though I burn my candles
Both ends and middle
And show no ill effect,

I have just realised as I sit here
Sad and lonely,
Heavy in heart and my usual
Confident footsteps slowed,
I could really use a chat myself with someone,
A sounding board to hear
Perhaps a hug receive,

But right now

There is,

Noone

Hands on my throat always crushing me down, putting me out, and turning me on
I don't know how you got here but won't you stay and laugh dear
Know one needs to know what we do when we're alone
She don't even miss you and he will never know
Intoxicatingly delicious, so much so it's suspicious
How can you taste so good when the flavor's all wrong
Not sure what I'm doing but I promise I won't stay long
Pin me, choke me, bruise me colorful until I'm pacified
Scream until your throat bleeds every time your heart beats
Necromancy not love, just enough to pretend we're alive
Our fingertips glow in red hot brands leaving us hissing
Cut open from sharp tongues clashing and kissing
Leave through the window never the door
Or you might knock again and ask me for more