I met a girl with X-ray vision.
She found herself quite smart.
Yet despite
Her fantastic sight
She couldn't find my heart.

There was an *****
that pumped blood
But surely there was something more.
So she climbed
Into my mind
And opened up a door.

There she found
Things somewhat profound,
But they were not of any interest,
So she rose
And found the words I spoke
In the chasms of my lungs.

She saw debate and
The arguments I fought
She saw what I cared about
But it was still not what she sought

Then she leapt into my hands
And saw all that I wrote
She tried to find double meaning
To the carefully chosen words
But there was no leaning
Or things of note.

So she gave up
But began to fall
For when asked what I cared about
My girl with "X-ray vision"
Knew that she didn't know me at all

silence fills the room once more,
sitting behind your locked door.
open your eyes, a notification rang.
you’ve fallen asleep with the tv on again.
distractions, noise to keep your mind away,
one more play,
one more play,
one more play.
are you still watching?
are you still there?
or have you again let your mind wander elsewhere.
change the subject, change the story,
write another allegory.
turn off the screen, lock the door,
it's time to fall asleep once more.


― i don’t know how to make things better

One after another
The onslaught is endless
Each strike creates another wound
My body
It's riddled with scars
Deep Deep scars
Naked before them
The ones who offer support
But they see no scars
Ridiculed they create more
Fresh wounds
Quickly dismissed
Back to my cell
In my own prison
Tending to my wounds
With tears
Words of dismay
Broken promises
And unfulfilled wishes
Soon they too
Will become scars
But it's so easy
To open old wounds
Sometimes all it takes is

My heart is aching without a doubt it's my stomach that twists and turns without warning my face promoting euphoria but only to the naked eye. Everyday I wake up crying without someone there, does anyone here me screaming is anyone out there? I shrug it off hoping that it will get better, but day after day I feel myself floating closer to the sun. My skin is melting as I realize I' m trapped in my own limbo; this depression is eating me from the inside out. Darkness creeping closer to my core as it claws at my soul only to be stopped by the mild feeling of hope that wells up when a glimmer of happiness is seen over a bleek chapparal. Digging my fingernails into my chest I pull out a black mass, slowly pumping nightmare fuel to my brain; squeezing with all my might it bursts. An ink colored substance lingers down my arm as I fall through space, the sun getting farther and farther as I plummet to the earth. Finally I land, unable to move a single muscle I utter to myself. "Help me."

What if I can’t see you in time?

What will you think of me?

What will I think of you?

You said that
you attempted to **** yourself 9 times
and you were so close to,
what if I told you I died
100 times when those words had escaped your mouth?

I tell myself that I had to go through everything I went through because this is the path that's been written for me. I had to be friends with a girl whose shoulder I cried on multiple times because "my grandpa was sick". It wasn't a lie. It was merely a concealment of my own sickness. My first time going out with a guy had to be me third-wheeling on her date. I had to go to a party just to fall apart on the bathroom floor wondering if this is the last time I feel its coldness, your alligator tears knocked on the locked door asking me to release the broken reflection of me in your eyes. I dreamt of the day I had to travel distances away just so you get hurt a little bit, cry on this shoulder of mine and it be my tears' turn to play disguise.

They say remove toxic people from your life,
but what am I supposed to do with this toxic heart of mine?