please do not confuse me
with the person i used to be
she does not live here anymore
we are no longer linked
we are no longer synced
she does not reside here,
I am not her anymore

Sometimes I wish I were an insect. So small and insignificant. Where all I had to worry was where to eat and where to sleep.  Under a rock or deep in the ground away from the world. My only worry the trample of a boot or the squawk of a bird. Sometimes I wish I were an insect.    

Sometimes I wish I were a tree. Strong and sturdy. Where all I had to do was stand and watch the seasons change, the people change, the world change. My only worry the chop of an ax or whether my roots are deep and strong enough to stand against the howling winds. I wish I were a tree.
    

Sometimes I wish I were a river. Moving rapidly and easy. Where all I had to do was go with the flow of my current. My only worry the unbearable heat that brings on a drought or the toxins of man. I wish I were a river.

but darling,
i must not say that
you deserve someone better
for if you truly were enamored of me,
i would have been the best.

but darling,
if all these years i was not,
then i must conclude
we only were confused.
and so we both were fooled,
i must confess.

but darling,
if all these years i was not,

i defy you
to not take a day to move on,
i defy you
to not long for my existence,
i defy you
to not reminisce our moments,
i defy you
to not try to break the walls
i will once again build.

but darling,
i must not say that
you deserve someone better
for what i had in me
that i gave you is different,
is irreplaceable,
is a thing i never thought i had.

and so is what your lover will give you.

but darling,
before i bid goodbye,
forgive me for giving up,
forgive me for breaking us apart,
forgive me for taking back my heart,
and forgive me for not forgiving you.

but darling,
i must not say that
you deserve someone better.

you deserve someone,
not better,
but is not me.