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Christine Jul 2017
Hello, how have you been doing? It started to feels so awkward for me to tell things now, feeling like going back and forth of how we used to be. Today is supposed to be one of my happiest day till this morning I found myself sobbing over songs played on my car. This evening, I supposed going all around seeking your compliments of the dress that wrapped my body and how I done my hair. Now the only thing you give me is your back, by the time I changed your name into today's date I realized I love you alone, again.

Last March, you left me excuses for my own good sake. Those words of forgetting you, it is painful so please don't say that to me. Those words of forgetting me, it caused aches so please don't do this to me.
It has been so long since we last talk but I still able to recognize you so clearly; your name, dreams, scars and pain. I know them so well.
Each night since we parted has been so cold and lonely, once I close my eyes I could started seeing us again then I decided to stay up late yet I hear our laughter across the stairs, see you holding me. It is still so clear.
Now silence seems so familiar, getting worse as I looked at my fingers where yours fit perfectly. Losing sight of home I need your hands I have been calling you since then. It is you, always you and still you.
The words of "I miss you" was right at end of my tongue as the winds blow the song of longing becomes louder. I am the one who remembered it all, those words of "I love you" is painfully switched into a smile as my heart captured every voices of your laughter. I do not want to let each moment slips.

Close your eyes and remember me; when there is no hope and you are too tired how I lift you up till those lights found you, all the heart, the love you saw inside the ocean of my brown eyes, "I am so proud of you".
Gaze upon at each other and small-bigger talk on that dusty gray sofa, the warmth of your neck, those longing the kind that won't fade even after millions of your smile. We still owed each other's whole-lot.
Close your eyes and remember us; it is not such a waste of loving me, we do not have to let this go.

Don't you worried about me, I am so afraid, who could I trust now?
I have forgive you and I still waiting.
Won't you near me, time is slowing down, do you hear me calling you?
Forgive me for my humble long-writing, I was once told that everything done by heart and passion will always be such a beauty, here is my first love letter after all these years, I am sorry if it is too long and lame and may have made some mistakes, but I truly done them from my heart so I wish it will be known and delivered wholeheartedly. Thank you so much for feeling..
Christine Jul 2017
come back home
i am lucky having you around
God's gift still you

come a little closer
i am the best when you hold my hands
night's prayers still about you

look at me
i was found because of your smile
symphony still you

hold me down
i am furious
yet blessed when in your arms

touch me
super woman when you look at me like that
got me so high

embrace me, kiss me
i am the safest, in your eyes
home still you
you, pride and fall

come back to me,
I feel like I am running out of time to love you, so I am loving you with all of me all this time, could you feel them too? time does not with me now, I need you to look at me and love me now .
Christine Jul 2017
softly whisper those words in your ears
each time i see that pair of tiring eyes
hold both of your hands while looking into your eyes with a proud smile on my face

kiss you on your cheeks as the rewards
simply hold you inside my arms all night long for you to relieve your soul

simply do what's inside my mind
i wished i could just pour all my heart out

those words of
"i am so proud of you"
i wish i could whisper them into your ears .
this has been inside me for quite a while, today's weather is so nice yet cool and i hope those what inside my heart is perfectly being poured out, God I hope all will be just fine and better .
Christine Jun 2017
i still remember when i look at you
so much in love
my smiles and laughs
you know it
i am forever thankful

i still remember when i touch you
so much in love
my curves and breath
you noticed them
it is so warm

each part of the sad dream was gathered
furiously crafted the words of happiness
i no longer alone
you no longer lonely
you remember them
i hope you do

each shoulders and tears
as i press you on my breast, you cry inside
each bits of words was gathered
beautifully created the words of future
i no longer afraid
you no longer empty
i remember them
i hope you do

as i look into your eyes, you pull me in
as i press on your chest, i cry inside
you, the one who already left
your happiness is mine, as well as your sorrows
you, the one who threw it all
your weary is mine, as well as your enthusiastic

i, the one who in the edge of staying
able to picture us together

i, the one in the edge of staying
praying to be the one
close your eyes, you will remember me ,,
but my God i still do, because i still do ..
Christine Jun 2017
i would like to believe that
loving so hard in you
is not a waste

i would like to believe that
leaving me behind
takes everything in you

i would like to believe that
you own your reasons
that it hurts you like it did to me

i would like to believe that
throwing us away
is another intangible gift i could possibly give to you

i would like to believe that
this whole feeling for you
won't go on waste

i would like to believe that
those aches in my heart is necessary
those pain in my memory is alright
each time i am hurting, you feel the same too
each tears and memories

i would like to believe that
the roads we ever passed, the places we ever been to, the memories we shared
you also sealed them in your mind and heart
always seeing them
like me

i would like to believe that
those smile on my face
is still your favorite thing
at ease because of them
like me

i would like to believe that
sometimes in remembrance of me
smile, shed tears because of me
perhaps surprisingly,
like me
it is not a waste loving someone so hard and give all of you for that one person you called 'Home', it is okay not be able to let that one person go even after all this pain, it's okay you still want him to come back even after all this time, if you ever heard people scolded you over this matter, believe me it won't go a waste when it comes on being sincere, because it's heart .
Christine May 2017
why think so lowly of me
these flickering heart
arching back
if only you know
what the use of
your knowings

why think so lowly of me
it's not me
i am not flicking the flame
how could i
what the use of
these confessions

why think so lowly of me
those shattered imperfect dreams
gazing eyes
if only you know
what the use of
my explanations

you will still think so lowly of me
please don't .
Christine Jun 2017
let's run away
i do not want to be at this place
let's run away
i do not want to be at this place,
where i can't be with you

let's run away
this place no longer belong to us
you deserve better
i deserve more

let's run away
i do  not want to be at this place,
where we can't hold each other's
shelter and swords
hold me now,
let's run away
take me, i am still here .
Christine May 2017
maybe, i have reached the limit
the very edge of my soul
i was standing there
barely holding on
you offered no hand
blanked stare at your scarred arm
the very pieces of my impaired heart
i seated myself there
the road is getting longer-further
i could feel it you rush yourself into the dark
blanked stare at your spined-back
i seated myself there, still
you turned back
tears falls down the cheeks
"come back home", said shriveled-lips of mine
closer, just a bit closer,,
then you'll know .
then me too, will know .

— The End —