Ah yes,
A new year to completely **** up.
I promised myself I wouldn't drink the next half decade.
I failed within the first three minutes
Happy new year

The last day of the decade in which I grew up.
Funny. Every year felt like a decade itself.

Pen-named or inked-- 
her wrist swivels. 
She's had many names, this author. 

even through so many lives
still learning how to be unafraid. 

Her wrist swivels. The page turns. 

And the blank pages terrorize
like a cliff.

and she, on the edge, 
does not know how to jump--
does not know if she should.

Writing is the drug,
anxiety is the withdrawal,
talking is the rehab,
and being told I'm wrong is the relapse.

New decade is coming along,
but it feels all wrong.
I feel all my memories pass by,
remembering the nights all I did was cry.
Knowing what it took to get to this,
looking through and being able to reminisce.
2020 is said to be mine,
redefine and realign.
Endings are sad,
beginning are scary,
there's no rhyme,
because sometimes life is confusing.

As a child growing,
time was my loyal companion,
Holidays coming in the perfect moment
Annual Birthdays never failing
Weekends always showing up.
But.
As an adult growing,
time has become an antagonistic companion
Never allowing me
To recover from
The past or
The present.
now there is another year gone
that includes
moments in which
I was drowning in mistakes
and seconds in which
I was floating in euphoria.
I want time to stop
For the ability to process
the gulps of bitter water
or sweet sensation of hovering in joy
as they happen,
Not when the ball drops
and we all scream,
For time has not ceased,
to show the world,
to show us,
to show me,
who is in charge.

share your space
only with the souls
that lend you
more room

hold onto the people
who shine more light
through your cracks
and remind you
of the masterpiece
your storms have
formed you into

dance along to those
who don’t have to dim your song
just to feel like they are heard

forgive those who forgot to
water the love in you—
they didn’t have the strength
and that’s exactly why you grew

you’ve only gotten stronger
the heavier your heart
has wandered

so listen to the songs
that all of your scars
now can sing

close your eyes & feel
all of the L I G H T
your dark did bring

the first steps felt so easy.
i was unburdened.
at times i flew.

it took me all these years to find
that everything inside me
had never changed at all

2020 Vision.

There’s no flying cars
We’re not living under the sea
Mars is still unsettled
Mail is not sent by rockets
But in 2020 all apples have faces now.

Apes have not evolved to work for us
Aliens have not made contact
We still have ten toes
We can not yet breathe under water
But in 2020 we sing songs instead of talking

There is still hunger
There is still war
We can’t yet teleport to a holiday destination
Or read each other’s minds
But in 2020 dorkiness got into the water supply.
Hibernation became an art form
Hermits live in communes
Elle Kay and Veda were never strangers again.