How do you begin to describe your feelings of loneliness
and your mental seclusion from the world
when your surrounding world
only sees the built facade of belonging.
I don’t know if therapy
legitimately helped me stand tall
or just get better at covering up
the moments when I mentally fall.
All it took was one look from me
and you would have bent over backwards so easily.
I took advantage of the love you had
because I needed to fill a void so bad.
It’s true you knew how I felt for I wasn’t fooling anyone
but I still feel guilty for everything I have done.
I can see that you try and try and try
but this time you will have to tell me goodbye.
I will stop you from coming back and begging for more
because I need you to move on and realize you don’t deserve this unreciprocated love anymore.
What do you do
when your mind is your greatest weapon
but your most destructive enemy?
Take the tear soaked dirt from around your knees
And mark your face to prepare for war
Because the battle for your life
is about to charge you like never before.
You will stand face to face with the darkest of demons
as they screech in your ears that you’re worth is zero
Your feelings are inadmissible and
No one loves you enough to be your hero.
These evil belligerents will be the effects of
the most damaging kind of rejection
the most destructive criticism of your reflection
the most vile act of a man’s unwanted *******
Yet your future is proof that
even with a trembling body and labored breath
even with a soul draped with trauma
you are more fierce than the call for death.
You will make it through every battle
You will end the raging war within
You will experience the sweetest kind of love
and you will rediscover an authentic grin.
Just because you made it through
doesn’t mean all fights are over
But, you will think back to this time
and know how to allow your strength to takeover.
You can do hard things.
If I could have spoken to my past self.
The Demons are back again,
Haunting me with darkness,
Painting me with insanity,
Those sick little artists.
It's all my fault,
All the years of failure
And the neglect to cure this disorder,
That controls me.
The sadness consumes me,
The water is getting higher,
I can't breath, I'm drowning
In everything that becomes of me.
My mind bubbles with regret
And burns in pain
For ignoring this illness
That makes me insane.
My heart beats slowly
As it frowns in silence,
My blood rushes around
in heavy violence.
My body shakes
And I'm short on breath.
I'm becoming attacked by this panic
And I become a mess.
It's maniac ways
Every days the same.
It's calm and it's crazy
And I'm always fighting to stay Sane.
Looking out over a Mountain View
was my idea of escaping.
But my feelings of
my shortage of happiness,
and my lack of love
It wasn’t an escape.
It was emotional poverty with a view.