I'm in denial
That anyone loves me
It's not paranoia

I know the truth
It echoes in my head
As tears fall onto my bed

Nobody cares
I'm just a tool to use
For them to get ahead

Noones ever loved me
Noones ever gone beyond for me
I can't fight my insecurites

Because they're right
I am unloved
A cursed child

a mistake at birth
A burden growing up
Last resort as an adult

I'm never a first choice
Barely Last choice
So I'll lower my voice

Let myself be used
It's what tools are for
Not like I'll ever be beautiful

Why did you like me
Why did you sleep with me
Just desperate for any company

Found someone new
No surprise
Already used to the lies

No boy will love me
Nor any friend
But they'll sure pretend

Can't blame them
I don't even love me
filled with self pity

Years on repeat
Everyone leaves me
Always shamelessly

Not one soul
Would walk one extra step
To help me as I wept

Nor does anyone
Find me worth
Anything but a empty purse

I am unloved
Yet i exist
Why did god make me

So ******* helpless

i hate that
you can't be a poet
you have no sense
you're miserable
cold
and mad

Laughs and smiles shared over scrambled eggs and ham
Giggles in class as secret notes are passed
Wandering the school halls with no worry in the world
This was the fantasy of childhood
Happy days were happy nights

Now happy days end with panic attacks and tears
I cannot remember the last time my smile was genuine
Joy never lasts and pain is all that remains
The happiest days have the most miserable nights

I can't seem to understand
What could be done to soothe this ache
Ripped from a broken rib cage
Measure up all my mistakes

Coloring the glass
Staining all my liquor red
Leave me buried in the past
Spent every last second

Draining the last drops
Strained through broken teeth
Working for the sound of
Something that's worth healing

Finally myself if
Only for the moment
My truth is that I'm lost
In this current, vacant motion

How'd I lose my way

It hurts
Every bone in my body aches
Unbearable pains lace through my system
My headache a constant
My heart
The only thing I can’t feel
Because it’s gone numb
From breaking over and over
My cheeks
Always laced with wet tracks
And my eyes
A waterfall I control.
My eyelids are heavy
But not with sleep
Instead with the same weight
On my heart
And my chest
It’s a panic
Uncontrollable in every way.
So my mind is racing
And twisting and turning.
With dark, gloomy thoughts.
And I need your help
Because I break more and more everyday.

That’s what I almost say
But instead
I squeak out
“I’m fine.”
And walk away.