“Listen to your heart”
“Follow your dreams”
That’s what people have said to me
But I don’t know what I want
And I don’t know who I am
I feel trapped in my mind
without a clue of what to do
So I pick up the blade and contemplate life
because I’m lost and in despair
My mind has a messed up way of telling me
that one cut will make me feel better
But all I’m left with is the guilt and shame
So I put away the scissors and crawl into bed
There’s work to do and people to meet
But I sink deeper into depression
I won a battle but lost another
College is a challenging environment to say the least. I don't know if I'm up for it.
Dear Family and Friends,
I am sorry for leaving so soon, but I could not see past the blues.
My feelings were heavy and thoughts so unsteady.
I didn’t know what to do.
So here I was, with a blade in my hand.
I shook my head as I made the first cut.
As the blood dripped, I could not resist.
I dropped the blade and lied in pain.
I closed my eyes and whispered goodbye.
Please know this was not your fault.
I could not battle the demons any longer.
I hope you know that I loved you dearly.
Now I am at rest, and I hope you all get the best.
Farewell, little ones.
I hope to see you once again.
Right now, I am hypomanic.
I needed a place to release these dark thoughts.
Thank you for reading, and I hope we get better.
When the night falls, I’m left with myself.
Will I fail to reach my full potential?
Or will I figure out a way to survive?
My future is a map.
I try to plan out the trip
But there is lots unknown.
I don’t know where to go.
Tonight I will rest, and tomorrow I will rise.
Who knows what’s in store?
It’s all a surprise.
Tomorrow is my first day of college.
I don’t want to hurt myself or others,
Yet I feel on the brink of something bad
My mind goes to all different places
And I can’t seem to quiet the thoughts
I feel alone, but I know I am not
Why can’t I find comfort in my solitude?
I can’t escape my mind, but I am in control of my actions.
Chills run down my spine as I think of what I am capable of.
These thoughts cloud my judgment and take what’s left of my sanity.
Tell yourself you're beautiful
---Because you are
---Because you deserve it
Take a deep breath
---Because you need it
---Because you're the only you the world has ever seen
Love yourself and mean it.
Depression is ****** up.
Anxiety is a *****.
Sometimes I feel these thoughts and pain won't go away,
But I know there will be better days.
I cannot describe what happens inside,
But I will try to fight it at night.
Keep trudging forward despite it all.
We will make it despite our falls.