I fill my contacts
with myriad strangers
to hear the hollow words
that could never replace
the ones you use to say.

I didn't know I loved you so much
That waiting for your messages is currently the worst form of torture for me.

Continued like a wick on a flame
Their voice burnt upon my mind.

"Listen to what is etched upon
A thought scribbled on a mind,

Let us linger on this episode like
45 minutes of  thought played in motion.

"Whispers echoed etched on many
Minds that listen,

But mine is like a whisper in the wind,
Never heard but all do listen.

"Sweet wanting's ring out the tune of truth,
Deny my message ringing true,

I whispered but they shouted back, but in the
End am I the voice or are they the ones talking back...

Thoughts of you left me in agitation
Perhaps just perhaps
Not far from the corner
Seedling of you were being nurtured

Keeping a friendly distance
Merely texts of best wishes
Nothing is being said
Out of the screen of messages

Yet
The nature of human
Desire the warmth of the others
To whom it may concern
Still safe guarding the tales of memories
The one who lived in imagination

Secrets kept
Led to nights spent wept
I could **** a person
But somehow this is more personal to you than death
How selfish of you
But that message will never get through
So I carry on bruised
By social irrationality..
You ask for my story, you feel entitled to it all
But I muffle it all with the misleading sentence "I'm hurt."

You see it seems romantic..
You asking if I'm okay
Wanting to know where I got my edge--
But the answer will be the death of us..
And you'll never fully understand..
And a jaded view of what I've been through will only taint my life's understanding

I'm not ready to see that side of you..
The one that tells me you're not the exception to the rule
A rule that shouldn't even exist.

You aren't ready
And I can't risk letting the foundation of my fears,
this thing that has changed me,
Be leaked into that society to become novel gossip
and merits for scorn.
Despite what we've learned from history about irrational opposition and shame,
Our society still isn't mature enough to handle this with care.
They will mishandle my substance
Because what's a thousand pounds heavy to me
Is paper airplanes to all of you
Ready to be tossed around, crushed up, disposable..
But my heart will remain heavy
..And tired.

So the only thing I can truly tell this story to
Is my knees when I'm holding them in,
trying to protect my chest from exploding;
I can share this story with my cheeks
And send tears down them like messengers;
I can tell this story to the shower ground--
It catches me when I can't help but collapse where my cheeks, and my knees rush to my aid like the few friends I trust

I am a liar.
And I need to continue to be a liar,
And I'm sorry to you,
But sorry for me,
And sorry for a society who hasn't given me much of a choice.

uhm, so hey!
i think i really like you?
I saw you the other day, im pretty sure it was in may-

you gave me this smile, that made all of my terrible thoughts go away.

and i swear you gave me this look, that took me forever to get out of my mind.

you were so kind to me, and enjoyed making me tea.

oh gee,
i hope i dont so cheesy, but gosh i think you're amazing;

remeber when you were gazing at me? and came up to me saying how i was so pretty?

my face became hotter than the sun, on a monday afternoon.

i loved that day,

anyway yeah i really like you. and i don't know if you like me too, but hey that's okay! Maybe i'll find out one day.

Are you sure you want to erase this message?

**Yes.

3 am
you are responding slowly. i say i love you. you do not respond.

5 am
i say have a nice day you say you too.

7 am
i write you a poem of words i barely knew before google and thesauri i tell you you are beautiful. read at 7 17

11 am
i am in class biting my fingers you have not said a word i have sent you fifteen messages all left unread i am worried

2 pm
you have said nothing my head is shaking my hands are spinning you usually respond so quickly

3 pm
i saw that you were typing as i exited my messages. i never got a message.

5 pm
i sent a simple hi and was sent an automatic response that you had been offline for too long my message would be delivered when you came back online

7 pm
i sent you messages to see when you came back. you didnt come back.

1 month
its been 31 days youre still offline

2 months
i got a message today and i saw your name and my stomach flipped you said only hi and i said hello back. you did not reply.

1 year
i do not think of you, you left.

2 years
i saw you on the street you looked like a new person. i waved but you assumed i was acknowledging someone else. you walked away.

2.5 years
i got a message from an unsaved number that you killed yourself today and my number was in your phone and i might like to be informed. i didnt reply.

I am incapable
I am insufficient
Unworthy
To walk the path of man
What I have down
Or what I thought I did
Is inexcusable
My abilities over reached me
And now your gone.
I am now left with
The hidden messages in your
Bleeding words