Finally,
you didn’t reply to my last message,
and I tacitly refrained from sending another one.
We simply vanished from each other’s worlds.
I used to seek an answer,
but now I realize there’s no need to ask.
Looking back,
every detail is actually the answer.

I find very little encouragement
to live my life these days,
it used to be different when I was ten.

I remember walking down this street
humming and skipping in full joy,
Like I had the juiciest fruit in all of the world
and that fruit held secrets,
carrying more than just sweetness,
It was big, golden and shiny
I think that fruit was my heart,
It was always so full.
Almost overflowing
with sickening sweetness,
exasperating energy
and a sticky smile that was always there.

I would dance around, walk fast then slow
I would roll around, talk so loud then low.
It sickens me now.
Why was I like that ages ago?
What made me so excited about life?
To wake up every day and just....live?

It sickens me even more
That I can't have that again.
It also confuses me
because what is human life
if not a change after change after change?

Sometimes,
when I say I'm okay,
I just want someone to look me in the eyes,
then hold me tight and say,
"I know you're not,
but I'm here for you,
and everything will be okay.
I promise."

Autumn morning
Old man hands picking apples
A woman hangs out laundry in the sun
I feel the wind touching the leaves
The bird flies across the field
Memories are born in a person
The story of a long road

You'll linger.
Like a bad smell.

Like a ghost.
Haunting my mind.

You'll hide.
In every corner.

Never seize to exist.

Memories will play on repeat.
Memories will play on repeat.
Memories will play on repeat.

You see once you touch a person.
They'll never ever leave you alone.

Hurt people will hurt people.
That's just the  way life goes.

You'll linger like a bad smell.
You'll linger like a ghost.

Once you mark somebody.
You mark them forever,

I guess you didn't know.
I guess you never cared.

Just how much touch.
Would sting my skin.
Would scorch my mind.

Memories will play on repeat.
Memories will play on repeat.
Memories will play on repeat...

I wish there was a  rewind.
Instead I'll settle for a pause.

Knowing you can't get to me.
At least not now not anymore.

I never regret meeting you,
nor do I regret loving you.
I admit,
I dream of being with you,
but fate only allows me to love you,
not to possess you.
Thank you for the endless joy you brought me,
May happiness forever be yours, you see.
No matter the distance, the years that may pass,
as long as you remember me,
whether it be love or friendship,
I will always be here.
This promise will never expire.

If there is a chance,
I would like to drink milk tea with you,
to listen to music together,
to walk together in the evening breeze,
to travel together and see the world.
What I mean is,
to be with you.

I love being 22.
I found myself between the deepest of shadows and the brightest of days.
The smell of jasmine as I float through you like a breeze,
Entranced by my elusive and ever waiting presence.
I love being 22.
The taste of salt between my teeth, the feeling of tears stinging my face,
22 to be exact.