So bored
and so dead
that little monster I fed
and now she's fat,
full, and a little brat
she starves me
content on watching me bleed
making sure i drown in need
she burns and chokes me
I can't stop embracing her
the only piece of me I have
can't lose her in the cure
and I need to be so sure
so sure, My Love, you are
i'm kissing the killer
clutching my demise
keeping her close to my heart
she's with me always
my only company
she listens always
always, always, more always
she's killing me
i'm gonna cuddle her close
cause if I'm going down
I'm taking her along for the ride

Slow minds,
And
Hungry times.
Fire ignites a
Luscious green
kind of
magic.
Euphoria inhaled,
And
Stoners prevails
For we have
The upper hand
Held to our mouths
With the other
Not too far.
Lighter in hand
You are the
Magic man

I will send you through a bad trip.
There will be bugs on your skin, you've lost your mind so the devil is laughing at you.

Bombs will be set off in the weakest parts of your foundation.

You will read my sentences as if they were in the bible.

You will feel what I feel.

I love feeling like Tabasco sauce has been poured in my eyes because I can't get words down.

I absolutely adore questioning my every move since birth because I can't match these sentences up.

But my absolute favorite thing to do is skip my pills for a day so I cause destruction so I can force creation.

The funny thing is, I took my pills today.

The deeper the cuts,
the more they bleed.
The longer the cuts,
the less you'll need.

More medication,
for doctor's greed.

This emptiness
It's all you left me with,
your friendship and fake smiles
and careless "I love you"s
Cannot hold a candle
To the hole you made
You chipped away at me
Little by little
Making a place for yourself
Inside of me
I let you build a home in my heart,
Hell, I helped you paint the walls.
I was so happy to have you
To hold you
To love you
I was eager to let you in
I stood by as you filled this hole
I watched you ooze
Like cancer between my bones
Spreading your poison through my brain
It felt so good to let your smoke
Pool in my lungs
And choke my throat
Until I was made of you

You were happy to pour yourself
Into me but I guess you really did care
You loved me too much
To let yourself love me
When you saw how I held your hand
Like a needle
And needed your voice
Like nicotine
You pulled away
You need me too much
To risk killing me
At least that's what you said
When I cried out for one last drag
You may be right
Your love would have consumed me
Until there was nothing left but rotting bones
Even so, despite your desperate attempt
To save me from us
I may not survive this withdrawal
My self rehabilitation
Is more painful than I can stand
At least not alone
If I had you
To hold my hand
And promise my pains away
I might be able to quit
And maybe we could be friends
But alone I didn't have the strength
To heal these sores and forget your lips
I couldn't wait
For my heart to stop pounding
Instead I took a knife
And cut this cancer out
Myself
I was the surgeon
Carving out this cancer
That came from addiction
I cried when you took it away
It left these hollows in my skin
My skin is paper thin
My blood pressure weak
This self dichotomy
Was messy and rushed
I tore memories of us
Out of my ribs
Scraped your smile
Off my heart
With a spoon
Filtered your perfume
Out of my blood
Medicated myself
With weight loss
And alcohol, music
And poetry
To dull the pain
And stitched my skin
Back together with lies
To cover the scars
Of my haste
I never healed
I forced months of
Chemotherapy
Into a few weeks
It hurt but so does
Thinking about you
I haven't spoken
To you since I started
This self treatment
I'm afraid that when I finally
Do see you again
These stitches may unravel
And I'll fall apart again
Leaving this disease exposed
All these holes for you to see
Will you still want
My friendship
When you've seen
The pain in my eyes
And the scars you left?