Step on the scale
fidget
fidget
"Three Digits!"
f a t

Shuffle back to Your Room
p r i s o n  c e l l

8:00AM
Drag yourself to the main desk
The Morning Medication line is long today
m i n d l e s s

Pretty pills fill your palm
They have changed colors today
They are all shapes, large and colorful
c y a n i d e

PLUNK PLUNK PLUNK

They dive into your empty stomach
Swim in acid and glide through your veins

Emotional Morphine-
You await the glorious numbness
s a n i t y

and still you crave the blade.

*b l o o d

Lifeless and tired,
my body raises from my seated position,
dragging my heavy feet with gentle footsteps into the washroom.
The cupboard is clear.
Free of any medication that will numb the pain for an hour or two.
But it's only an hour or two.
For an hour or two I'd be emotionless.
For an hour or two, I'd be sitting in my room, staring at the wall,
unable to write or even to think.
But after that hour or two,
the pain would be back.
It would rush into my body faster than I could ever rush my body in front of a car
It wouldn't bother to creep up on my innocent soul, readying itself to pounce.
It would just speed into me, slamming its breaks after I've been hit, only to make sure that I've been affected, before continuing its journey through my body.
My body that's been drained from all emotion would suddenly **** alive, feeling the burning venom of the pain searing through my veins.
What happened to the blood pumping through me, keeping me alive?
Oh right, it's gone, because so am I.

I literally just had a panic attack.
It was scary.
My heart began malfunctioning in my chest
It was doing 150 beats per minute at best
And all I did was thought of the possibility, that we'll never be.
This is what you do to me.

I spent, half and hour under the shower,
Trying to get my breathing under control.
In... out... in, out and hold..
Holding my breath in hope it would lower my heart rate,
Before it was too late.

I watch my chest flutter like humming bird wings,
My chest, tensed violin strings,
A melody I know too well.
Symphonies and notes that tell,
You are my heaven and my hell.

Will someone please call the doctor?