C R A S H I N G
c  r  u  m  b  l  I  n  g
f
          a
                     l
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                                        n
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breaking for all the things
she couldn't bear to lose.

26 days
since i’ve heard your voice
and your laugh.
I told you “I love you”
like I always did
and you hung up on me.
thus beginning the process
of losing you.
I remember the day I sent you a video of what my voice sounded like.
and you said it was cute
which eased my anxiety of hearing a recording of my voice.
that fear came true.
you don’t want to hear my voice anymore.
it’s been 6 days since we last texted
since the last time a picture of your face
was on my screen.
i’m waiting for you to miss me
like you said you have been.
but it feels like you haven’t,
you don’t stop talking to someone you miss
when they’re just one click away.
my phone says it’s 11:11pm
and my only wish is to talk to you
one last time.

You are the one breath I take in the morning .
You are the one beating in my chest before you tore me.
You are the blood in my viens that runs through me .
You are the person I wish to wake up
                              and see .                         -Every morning-
You are the beauty in every afternoon.
You are what keeps my heart beating as if it was as big as the moon.
You are the star in the sky that shines all day and all night.  
You are the only person I wish didn't leave so soon .
-Every afternoon-
You are the reason i breath , the reason I fight .
You are everything I had insight .
You are the reason my chest feels tight.
You are my darkest and most loving
         angel in my dreams at night .                
-Every night-
And even know our life wasn't right , I'd still hold you nice and tight every night . Even without a house or home . I'll still find Time to write you a love poem. Cause that's how deep my love goes. So deeply rooted, it will never let go. Every night I lie awake , and think of how I'm such a big mistake. And I can feel the void in my chest , I wish I could just rip out what I have left and leave it in that closet like I'm nothing but a mess. My will to see my last day to be made . As I see you both one last time before I fade. And to think we started without a date. But today's the day August eleven two thousand eighteen . 6 long years And what a crap future husband and father I've been. And I wish I could of stayed longer so it may all have been seen. Our love and what it had created inbetween. There's one thing that's true , and real, and nothing else in this world could do . Is make me the happiest man and father to have known the both of you . Cause I love you, and I'm afraid my night mares are to much for me because they were forced to come true . And I lost the both of you . And when you left for the good there was to be found by you , I happen to lose everything I had , even myself too. And wherever I end up when not in this world with you, I'll be watching the both of you . And loving you every step of the way , because there wasn't enough words in this world to say . How much I loved you both each and every passing day.
   -Every day-

Shut your mouth
Take your crap head south
I will not stop now
I will figure this out somehow
This won't be my end I vow
I will push on to be my best
While you'll go south I'll go west
I don't need to walk far on this earth
To find how much I am worth
I am as powerful as I let myself be
So I will give you to the count of three
Head down south while I’ll go west
There is no time to rest
My destiny is in my hands
You will not stop my plans
For you cannot win
And I cannot lose

Muzzle flashes in the distance
And I'm thinking about you
I don't know if I should
I don't know why I would
Actually I do know why

Muzzle flashes in the distance
And I'm still thinking about you
One hour brings to two
Even though you have someone in your life
I still want to talk to you

Muzzle flashes in the distance
And ******* i'm still thinking about you
Should I stop and if I can't
I'm in the middle of the enemy
So why do i think of you

Muzzle flashes in the distance
We know each other for two weeks
That is no relationship
No grounds to build upon
No house to live in

Muzzle flashes in the distance
If I die will you mourn?
If I pray will he fall?

I don't hear the muzzle
Only see what they are doing
So they flash in the distance
And I'm thinking about you.

I am sorry for the way I handled our problems
All the screaming and throwing around blame
How I gave into your darkness so easily
Should have conquered your demons, instead one more I became.

I cannot deny you led the way
I should have tried harder to turn you around
At least looked where we were going
Instead of keeping eyes trained on the ground.

It wasn't simple at the time to see
My eyes heavy with denial and yours with shame
I desperately needed you to be the answer
Instead of a go-to scapegoat to bear all our pain

I do not want you to think it's all your fault
I do not want you to look like the bad guy
Don't want to be enemies from now on
I'm begging our egos to let grudges die.

Do you really believe I don't care?
You would realize if you opened your eyes
It's plainly written in my poetry
Love simple to read in pages and lines.

It's hard to say who ****** up more
Even when your regrets die mine will live
My heart was too easy of a target
Stolen before I had the chance to give

Every day mistakes kept adding up
I was distracted by your smile
They became heavy weights our shoulders couldn't bear
We collapsed after a few more bitter miles.

I should have seen the outcome coming
Should have noticed your eyes lose that spark
I'm sorry I couldn't save us, tried to show you the light,
When I failed my soul also was engulfed by the dark.