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Life was only worth living
With SSRIs in the system
It was only a matter of time
Before I regressed without them
Back to the bottom
Another AllTimeLow
The headaches
The despair
The empty
If I can’t live without you
Do I even deserve to live with you
11 lines, 194 days left.
All I really wanted
Was to be wanted
But now I’m slowly realizing
I only ever wanted
To be wanted by you
5 lines, 200 days left.
Hours passed
Until we slipped away
From the plane of existence
And the pain of persistence
Into a world where everything just worked
All the pieces fit together
Beautiful harmonies our ears were deaf to
Beautiful colors our eyes were blind to
And the lights danced for us
They don’t do that for everyone
And they won’t do that forever
So let’s vibe while the vibes are good
12 lines, 202 days left.
Out of dust we are,
Which answers the question
Of why I love the rain,
Skin run along like sandpaper,
Scratching and mostly unpleasant
I have been made in the rough
And the rough I have become
But when the scent of rain comes
I can’t help but let myself
Become soft to its touch.

Run along to make the feeling
Of my skin more pleasant
But why does it stop so suddenly?
A month straight of rain
And no sun
Then all gone in an instant
Letting the skin I let get soft
Crack and bleed
From the lack of your touch.
Where did it go?
Who thought it was okay
To tell someone you loved them the day before,
So they woke up the next
25 lines, 205 days left.
Why would I trust
Why do I risk this again and again
When all I ever get for it in the end
Is a head full of questions
And both hands empty
Except for the warmth of her hands
That seemed to be there only moments ago
But no more holding your hands
Because you left
And I’m left holding
Holding questions
12 lines, 206 days left.
Invisibility is a cliché wish,
But a night spent staring at the ceiling
Or the wall
With the feeling of existence
Washed to the minimum
By consumption,
Creates a similar feeling
Of invisibility to the senses.

I wish not for invisibility,
I wish to be your ghost
For exclusively your eyes
To witness me
As a shooting star
Scratches the sky
Leaving no trail
For those who missed it.
I hope I don’t miss
The trail of the gentle scratch
You leave in your last touch,
Letting this fleeting moment pass
Without recognition until lost.

If you spend forever in a single moment,
It’s not just a moment anymore,
For if you lose sight of me,
I'll erode away in the river
That you'll toss me in.
Emergence to accept defeat
That I let such a moment
Dissipate to become a lifetime
Of regret is the pressure point
In my mind regarding you.
Losing you now would be unforgivable,
Don’t let me go.
45 lines, 207 days left.
Sometimes the heart of a poet cracks
And before they can worry
About stopping the bleeding
They spill a little out on the page

The things my heart bleeds for
I would share them with you
And I have
The parts of life that make it worth living
I’d share them with you
And I have

But at the end of my rope
When the well has run dry
When staring at this doc a second longer
Could push me over the edge
I give in and write something uninspired
Or even a joke
And that’s what goes viral.
******* for that.
21 lines, 208 days left.
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