Just entered the garden of eden
Fresh
Beautiful
And vibrant
Also unchallenging and eerily void of imperfection

Like spring buds innocent
Before petals wilt
Faced with disappointment in the seasons

Lips a deeper shade of scarlet than forbidden fruit itself
Sweeter than sinful apples dangling from the seductive tree

The measure incomparable

Anything outside this sanctuary irrelevant

Temptation beckoning soul with an invisible sultry finger

Indulgences vary
The magnetic pull remains the same

Why would a tree grow here if we were not meant to dine on it's tantalizing treasure?

I bet someone else
Is so lonely like I am
All by themselves tonight

Tossed by waves like a boat
On top of the sea
Surrounding are miles of blue
Hope I do not sink too deep

I remember decembers spent together

We are a little ****** up inside
The parts of ourselves we try to hide
Some of us dwell in trenches deep
Just like those up hills so steep

Looking at the life I know
Stars above
Ground below
Everything we do not share weighs us down
In the stress we'll eventually drown

Is knowledge we are missing too hard to reach?
Can be the one to show me how and teach
More bad habits every day
But you can take them away

Is more serotonin what I need?
Expensive to sense/cents to feed
Rather fix hormones in my brain
Than leave be and go insane

A long way to go
Climb off my knees
Halfway there start to wheeze
Missed shot
I'm on the bench
Opportunity failed
Fists clenched

Throw confidence against wall
Kindness shown to others
Not self at all
And around in circles I run
Like clock hands thoughts are never done

Confetti exploding
Colorful shower
Pieces of heart shredded by the hour
No bravery
No guts
No *****
No spine
Days will never again be mine

No hurry to grow older
Faint embers to smolder
Story etched
Layers of stone
Exhausted to skin and bone

Walking motion
Too worn out to sprint
Precious time now viewed with tint
Inhumane way of wearing death out
Lies before infinite route

Mirror whispers
"You are not good enough"
Existing breath hated and rough
Body in conflict with the voice in my head
Dangling from a solitary thread

The day hazy because I am confused
Hop from mistake to mistake unexcused
Revealing that despair is long
Unchanging as I mosey along

My heart warming
Trying change
And thawing as flaws disarrange
Can think I'll get better
I never will
Spending time savoring that thrill

Laughing days that passed by in a rush
Crying
Sharing stories we gush
We are only distracting from the pain
Is a point ever reached
Where you slip down the drain?

A need to fix
Need to heal
No way of stopping the bad **** I feel
Move feet but I'm stuck in place
****** up all I can't erase

At the bottom
This empty hole I've dug inside myself

Waiting to be saved

Catching a glimpse of light above

Those glimpses are getting fewer
Far between

I think about the idiots who told me
"It's mind over matter"

I had a mind
To lift above matter
Ever since I lost it the matter is too much to bear