Have you ever fallen in love at first sight?
I didn’t believe it could happen,
And then I met you.
You have no interest in keeping me,
I have every intention of loving you.
You weave in and out of life,
Unpredictable,
Unknowing of where you’re going to show up next.
Your smell is intoxicating,
Lingering in the air around me,
Falling asleep next to you with your back towards me.
I’ve tasted you on my lips,
I’ve felt you settle into the bones of my life and yet,
You are so fickle.
I know you are not good for me,
I know you aren’t reliable,
But *******.
Why do I feel like I need you like I need air?

October, gradually going to November.
If liquor can erase
my entire hard drive,
then so be it.
But just of you.
Just of…

Just of… who?

October

October. Your birthday.
I was the first to wish you.
You kept it hush– don’t tell anyone,
you said. I obeyed. Like a dog.
When you pat my hair I bared,
but you’re tearing my heart inside.
I’m scared.

October. Smiles and cameras.
If my friends didn’t push me then,
I’ll have no proof you exist.
Will that be better? But I’m happy.
I’m always happy.

October. Studies, studies, studies.
I was drowned in studies. And food.
I thought I forgot about you for good.
Yet amidst equations, you’re there.
How can I ever fare?

October. Memes, dreams…
Dreams. At night, alone, I do feel
a bit lonely. Empty…
Nah. I got my gutsy guitar.
We jammed till daylight.

October thirty-first. Ooh, spooky–
hold my gin, I’m gonna burst–
listened to good ol’ rock as
I drank whiskey on rock, coke– I
had fun of course– without you.
Without you–

October, ending in an hour.
A friend and I in the bus,
We laughed.
My mate returned.
The bed is no longer bare.

October, November. If liquor
can erase my entire hard drive,
then so be it.
But just of you.
Just of…

Just of… who?

He was like *****.
When mixed, ***** will fill you with a warm, comforting sensation. The kind that invites you to be your true self without causing impermeable amounts of damage
However, when it is not mixed, it will hit you harder than you expected and suddenly your world is upside down, doing things you never expected.
It needs to be diluted, weakened.
You need to control it, or it controls you.
I wonder if I had diluted him, kept some distance instead of falling immediately, if things would be different.
But I didn't, I took him like a shot, and my throat is still burning.

Her text was the first thing
I saw in the morning
It was confusing
However I was smiling
But then I remembered
The reason why she texted me first
It was because I tried to call her
After I consumed lots of liquor

After you left
Cigarettes were the best treatment for hang over kisses
Liquor to drown the butterflies in my stomach
               I'd rather stay with my bad habits
      Than being good to the person
                Who never loved you

Beer doesn't go well with love
   Like a recorder it takes you back
From words you don't want to hear
  To memories that made you love and fear

For a beer fills the stomach
    Yet it makes my heart spill the truth
Rather waking up drunk
     While slowly letting go of you