Every Night, I lay in bed.
Bad thoughts plaguing my head.
Tearing up, enough has been said.

I try to write everything down,
Only ending up with my usual frown.
I’m the ruler of sadness, slouching over with my crown.

But every night, I lay in bed.
Bad thoughts ******* with my head.
Crying myself to sleep, enough said.

I hate being alone.
But here I sit alone
Listening to the constant hum
Of a heater across the room
And the drops of rain
Splattering on the ground
Right outside the window
That is cracked.
And all I can think about
Is how I hate being alone
Listening to the bubbling
Carbon dioxide in my coke
That is nearly gone,
Growing tired of the burning
Sensation in my shoulder
Staring at a box full of
Colorful pens wondering
Which one should I use next?
And all I can really think about
While listening to the footsteps
Above me,
Is that I hate being
Alone.

I dont’t need a man to
love me to feel loved,

I just need a man to prove
to my brain that I can be loved by one.

Life.
It is both beautiful,
and hideous.

It is both happy,
and emotionally exhausting.

It is both wondrous,
and draining.

Life is all of these oxymorons,
but it will never stop doing one thing.

Advancing.
Present to future,
no other direction.
There will never be a moment to wake up yesterday.
The only option you have is to advance.

Life is advancing,
evolving,
changing,
organically.

It's like a song you don't want to end because you're afraid that once it ends,
you won't want to start it over.

Life,
it's full of oxymorons.

Maybe I am just not the one.
Maybe I'm just here to help you through
This jungled mess called life.

Maybe I'm not going to be with you
Maybe I will just be on the sidelines
Cheering you on till you find the one.

Maybe I just want you to be happy and
Maybe when you find happiness,
You will find it in me.

Maybe you don't find it in me..
If so, that's fine
For as long as you find happiness,
That is all I could ask for.

my love
my love is too much sometimes
at times it can be overflowing
people have come and gone in my life
at first I thought maybe I loved them  too hard
or  the way I love in general is too much
should I change the way I love people
love a little less
withdraw my affection
become distant
but then I realized that if I do that it will end up confusing everyone
after all everyone knows that I’m an affectionate person
I go above and beyond
affectionate wise
little gestures that I do
to make them happy
but why would I embrace a foreign feeling
just because people distance themselves from it
to make that person happy
it would be changing the way I love completely  
and if we’re being honest with each other
I’m used to loving too much
so I’ll continue loving people too much
my  love might be too much for some people
but I know one day it will be just enough for someone
that’s why I won’t change the way  I love a person

I almost let it slip
How I am a poet who writes intensely
Passionate and all at once
I'm not used to having a muse
Or the possibility of writing for someone
Writing my feelings about someone's love for me
It scares me to no end how easily the words flow when I think of you
I'm tempted to not write about you
Only because of the past
How they all fell in love with the words that dripped down from my mouth
Endlessly then all at once almost like a rose blossoming
I wrote for so many people
Only to have them turn right around and hurt me deeply
Making me delete the poems and poetry
I guess I'm terrified of that happening with us
I don't want it to
I love writing about you but I also realize that
I'm not about to make someone a home to come home to
If that makes sense
I've done that with numerous people only to be
the one who's left in the dark
Because what people don't tell you is
when you try and make a house out of a person
It can start off as loving, beautiful, thriving
But over time the idea and how the person
might view you will change over time
No one announces these things of course
But unfortunately when a person decides to
throw in the towel without a reason or stop loving you
It comes as a shock and then the idea of having that one person who you consider to be your house so to speak
One to come home to when things get too much or a person who you love so intensely it even catches you off guard
It all fades away
After they stop loving you
Reasons why I'm scared to love you so intensely and the way I'm trying to force myself
to love someone like I did before with the gestures
But it'll take a little while for me to even consider showering you with crafts
Only because if it mysteriously crumbles
I don't wanna have to look at damage control
I'm sorry baby you'll have to prove that
you'll stay first and won't abandon me
Like the others, before you did

When we’re young, all we can think about is growing older.

I remember when I was 11 years old, I could hear myself saying how all I wished was to be 16 years old. (Funny, I know, but when I was 11, the cool age was 16!). And now that the time has gone and passed, it feels eerie thinking about how young I once was and how you never really see how much you change over time.

I look at myself now, 20 years old, and haven’t come to terms with how I don’t want my life to pass by too quickly. Everyone says that high school goes by before you know it; for me it did. Even as I go through the motions of college, it’s flying by me.

Each day on the calendar is another mark I check off as passed.

Everyone is always looking forward to something; like a work party next Friday or even dinner on Sunday, but no one ever really stops to live in the moment.

We as people, are always looking forward and reminiscing the past, but never live in the present. And funnily enough, as each day passes, you can’t tell you’ve grown or aged.

As each birthday passes, do you actually feel any older?

Until one day you wake up in the house you own with your significant other, possibly with kids, going to the same job for 15+ years, what happened to your life?

Did you feel yourself getting older? I know this is out of the blue, but it’s scary to think how quickly life passes you by, until one day it’s over.

That’s why we should always remember the good times in the past, but not stay in them; we should always think about the future and strive for better things…but we should always remember where we are. Right here and right now.

Live for today, before you run out of tomorrows.