Confirm the fact and fate
Of a life of contrariety & frustrations,
With a note on every date,
And a count of its disruptions.

Bear it all with amusement,
Be a witness and shed the torment,
Give it beautiful words for garment,
Help heal the worlds' ailments.

You are the maker of your Joy
So wait not for the end of all ploys,
To grant yourself the gift of radiance,
And step into moments of only gracious dance...

So here I am,
Learning and living.

So little did I know,
Before believing.

These emotions,
We are feeling,
Have purpose,
Have meaning.

And that I,
Right now,
Am truly healing.

an accidental intimacy is committed
between the right-now me
and the me-a-few-minutes-ago
as i slip onto my body,
(made cold by the air of the room,)
the warmest shirt i have ever felt,
soft and hot with the heat of
my own body
that i had already forgotten.

two me's converge, here.
i wrap my arms around myself.

i forgive my old self for all he has done to me
yesterday
because look what he would do for me
today,
he would keep himself warm
so that one day he would be cold
so that one day i could pick this hot shirt up
and wear it.

we waltz, we dance,
until the heat calms under the fan,
and then we are just one man
and i catch myself missing him.

Oh sweet pleasure,
Where have you gone?
Now that days are dark
And the tasks of the world are above me.
I can't see you through the mist.
My heart, covered as it is, feels you not.
Like being adrift in a vast ocean
Or alone in a confined space
I wait
For a truth which i know is out there...
The truth of knowing
Beyond doubt
That things will change,
That life will change,
And all I need do is wait
And my salvation will come
Like a ship on the horizon
Or a light of rising dawn
Which will
burn away the vapor.
I will see you once again my heart,
For now though
I rest in my unawareness
In my turmoil
In union with my grief
and the pain of life

Santa Claus is coming.
This isn’t a luck situation.
He knows things, like if you’re sleeping.
Which is kind of creepy if you think about it.
I suppose I’m an open book.
It’s an implacable reality.

oops, better rhyme something.. let’s see..

“Santa, that elf commanda
will bring you all a panda
fresh from the jungles of Uganda
straight to your verandah”

Whew.. art is hard work.

Leeza has a small aluminum-tinsel Christmas tree in her room with a new-age LED-star topper. It slowly prisms through the color spectrum, breaking down light, like modern jazz. Small things can still enchant, if you’re open.

I was sipping dark-chocolate coffee while Lisa rearranged the ornaments on the tree - again (as head-elf, the tree is her purview). She was humming to herself unconsciously as she worked, like a finch in a beautifully lit, evergreen garden. There was no real melody to it, it was just happiness.

Peter (my bf) is here, he arrived last night - we’re workshopping instant gratification.

Even if things have been tough - I hope you have a joyous holiday - that you chose it, like an option in an app. Nothing’s sweeter than the bruised joy of someone who’s known sorrow.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

My eyes awaken,
The day is sacred.

A sun arrives,
Slowly rising.

The grass,
Slowly swaying.
My fears,
Erasing.

This day graces me
With joy and safety.
All away
From anger,
and hatred.

This moment of life,
I cherish so greatly.

For i'm one step away
From a perfect haven.