It turned green with envy
when it saw that people
didn't need it to be happy.

I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry.
I wasn't thinking again
I didn't mean to hurt you!

I wanted exactly the opposite!
I just wanted you to be happy...
Why does nothing ever work like i think it should?!

I don't want to hurt you,
I don't want to argue with you
I just want you to be happy,
Even if your happiness doesn't include me.

But when i try to leave
To make sure i'm not in the way
We always end up fighting.
Or arguing.
Or ignoring.

And it always makes me feel like crying.

I don't want to play the victim card,
Because i'm not the victim.

I get jealous, but i won't admit it.
I want your attention all the time.
But that's not okay.
I get frustrated.
I feel threatened.

I don't want to lose you to anyone.
And that clouds my judgement sometimes.

I can be such a ******* **** sometimes.
I read over our old messages and i look at things i've said.
I wish i could go back in time and slap myself.

I feel hurt because i feel threatened.
So my first thought is to run away from or hurt you?
What kind of idiot thinks that way?!

I don't want to leave you like everyone else has
But i've left people so many times it just seems like an automatic reaction.
And i want to change that,
I don’t want to be “that” guy forever.

Especially not to you,
To the one i care about.
If anyone deserves an apology
It’s you.

I can’t bear to hurt you, but i don’t know how to stop
So instead i just talk and talk and talk
Where are the actions?
I wish I knew
I’m all bark no bite

What kind of man does that make me?
Am I man or am i mouse?
Mouse without a doubt.
But you are worth so much more than this rat that i am
You deserve someone strong,
Man or woman.
You deserve someone who can protect you
And love you
And help you
And support you
And make you laugh and smile
When you feel like you can’t

I honestly don’t think that I’m that.
And it upsets me
And i get jealous
And i feel threatened
Because all around me that i see
Are people trying to come between you and me.

But I’m backing off
I’m letting this drop
I’m leaving you be
So you can go fly free
And I’m apologizing
Because it’s all you respond to
It’s all i can do.

So it’s all i will do.
I wasn’t taught anything else.
So I’ll do this and hope it helps.

Butterflies
look beautiful by sight
Sea Urchins
They are mesmerizing
Some say
they feel butterflies in their stomach
when they get excited
But imagine a whole nation of them
Trapped inside you
Flapping their beautiful wings
Trying their best to escape this prison
And as mesmerizing as one thing can be
Imagine a whole ocean of sea urchins
Crawling inside of you
Looking for a loop hole
Exploring the walls from inside
But there's no way out
Am I the only one
Who has this feeling?
Am I the only one
Who constantly is jealous?
Even if I don't want to be?
It ***** to not feel good enough
But that's just me.

I'm sitting in my usual corner
Of the coffee shop in town
The morning's come
The day has begun
So where's the singing birds?

It's a very quiet morning
Only three cars passed by
A black Nissan Pick Up truck
A siver Honda car
And a truck heading to the south
To give us our supplies
That the farmers and poor make
Just for us
But get no credit or coin

I'm looking around and I see
Five people in the room
Six if you count the homeless man
Staring through the window
A black Labrador next to him
He's staring at me

The man in the corner
Has several wrinkles
Maybe 50? 60? 70?
He's got very milky coffee
Next to the newspaper he has
He's looking at the crossword
And raging with silent curses
That he thinks no one can hear
But if you look in his eyes
You see the frustration in them

A female teenager
She's staring at me
What is she jealous of now?
I really don't know what.
She's just glancing
Staring and glancing
As she sips her vanilla mocha
With her long hot pink nails
And sighs with her ruby red lips
You see jealousy in her green eyes
So sharp and cat like
You can almost smell it

There's a woman in her thirties
She is still smoking and puffing
And putting her ashes in the tray
' another interaction with cancer '
I think as she stares into space
If you look into her chocolate eyes
The same colour as her tea
She's thinking very deeply
As I am right now

There's a man at the coffee bar
Whistling away
He's cleaning up the desk
Waiting for the next customer
Waiting for the new order
Then he will make their drink
Make a working man smile
And a tired mother laugh
But it's not helping the man
The homeless one outside
Yet when you look into his eyes
His bright hazel will show
Happiness and joy

There's a guy in the corner
Listening to some music
With his black coffee on
I sit with him
Even though he's misjudged
And he flashes me a smile
As his black and purple hair
Is tossed around by his hand

" you've been writing a lot, love "
He smiles as he stops his songs

" I know. " I reply.

I see him everyday
He's going through something
Sad and tough
And when you look at his eyes
A deep greyish blue
He's had enough of it

" are you sad? " I whisper
Looking at him
He turns away with tears
They're welling up in his eyes

" it's ok, " I smile
And pat his shaking shoulder
" you're never alone.
I'm your friend "

He looks at me in the eyes
My observant and gentle eyes
They show comfort when I see him
Smiling at long last

I soon have to go.
Places to be
Places to go

" see you tomorrow "
He smiles at me

" see you soon! "
I smile back at him

I make sure to get a take away
A plain coffee with a packet
Of sweet smelling sugar
I give it to the homeless man
You should've seen the
Joy and happiness in his eyes!

They go hand in hand, best friends,
Blood red maroon, mixed with pastel black.

Cotton candy pink and golden skin.

With each pounding beat of my heart, I feel as they'll burst out laughing.

Buried alive underneath my skin.

Hand in hand, they'll take over.

What happens then?

What happens when I loose my skin?

Paranoid and jealous.

Vengeance appeals to be just.

I am an embodiment of my fears.

You were never mine
I was very way too late at hello
Yes, I know,...
I am just another season,
I might will just be,
in your long strings of goodbyes, aren't I?
We might never be,
but your scent is too a sweet felony...
haunting me astray
keeping me in this yours truly imaginary fray
Why do I want you, the trap of the desire
Reeled in by your beauty, the **** liar...
I know I am not the only one
She detained your heart,
and you never ask back for it...
I wish you say you need me,
but I would never have your history
I know...
So, no need to say sorry
Fate was never on my side on this, I might just meant to be lonely...

In my thoughts today
You blaze like fire
I don't care what people say
But you are a live wire

Tempest on your moves
Others become jealous
Cautious with your hooves
Not so careless

Breath taking masculine
Vibes high motion
You mean absolute discipline
Following your notion

Eye for an eye contact
You want prompt at work
Employees know their content
Open with any talk

Always in formal attire
Presentations, meetings all day
Haunting me as his personal desire
I think am gonna die today...

©sim

Weave it in,
who do you want to be today?

Freedom is deadly, in relation to one's identity.

Take a fabric, the color blue.
Wear it like the ocean is glue.
You were melancholy yesterday.

Take a fabric, the color red.
Wear it like the wildfire.
You will be spiteful today.

Take a fabric, the color green.
Wear it as if you were bred by greed.
You will be jealous tomorrow.

When will you run out of fabric and show your transparency?