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Waking up in a pool of sweat and tears,
my memories haunting my nightmares.
I had just fallen asleep at 2 a.m
because I stayed up all night stressing.
Because I was afraid to face you
the following morning.

I thought I'd slept for hours,
that I had just forgotten
to set my alarm on accident.
But when I squinted to see,
the red numbers only read 3.
And though I'm physically tired,
I've never felt more mentally awake.
Have you ever been so upset
that you feel like your heart
is going to beat out of your chest?
That you're going to have
a heart attack and die?
That your finally going to understand
what it literally means
to die of a broken heart?
Sarah Spencer Nov 19
Little girl with wide, scared eyes
doesn't know what to do with her life
or how to make her own decisions.
She knows what mommy and daddy would want,
but their ideas to her are boring and off.

Little girl with puffed out cheeks,
and eye rolls and snarky comments,
wants to rule her own life and
everyone else's around her.
She's selfish and rude and doesn't
take account for her own actions.

Little girl with cut up wrists
doesn't know where everything went wrong.
All she knows is that the pain
makes her feel sane, in the moment,
but, in the end, makes her feel even worse.

Little girl with a high school diploma
finally needs to **** it up and grow up.
The world won't stop for her,
all it cares about is whether she paid her taxes
She needs to realize that not everyone
is going to love her.
Not even herself.
Sarah Spencer Nov 17
You told me you loved me
and I said It back,
not knowing you meant it in that way.
Sarah Spencer Nov 16
I want you dead.
That thought constantly crawling in my head.
I have never hated anybody
until the day you laid eyes on me.

From my first day of life
you've caused me nothing but strife.
You've always been there,
but I know you don't care.
All you've done is chain me down.
You say you love me, but you want me to drown.

You hit me and you mock me,
you take away my ecstasy.
I'm constantly looking behind my back,
afraid, if I step wrong, I'll get smacked.

I hate you so much
I shiver at even your touch
or the sound of your booming voice.
Oh, If you died I'd rejoice
and the angels would sing from heaven!

Sometimes I feel driven
to do the world a favor.
Hell, if I was braver
I would have fulfilled this very vision.

That is, if I wouldn't go to prison...
This sounds like a rap song so I'm sorry<3
Sarah Spencer Nov 16
It's been near a year
but I still miss you.
You hate my guts
but I still love you.

I should have known
you didn't miss me
when you went days
without speaking to me.
I should have known
you didn't love me
when you didn't take the time to know
my brain like you did my body.

But now you're gone.

My bed is empty and cold.
But I don't care about that.
I miss the laughs and smiles
that I had to work to get out of you.
I loved the way your eyes lit up
when you talked about something you loved.

And now I know that something
was never going to be me.

When we broke up you never gave
any sort of apology for the things you did,
but instead you said

"Well, at least the *** was great."
I wish someone will love me for something other than my body...
Sarah Spencer Nov 16
Staring back at a skeleton,
watching the sharp, jutting
edges of my ribs ripple
like ocean waves whenever I move.
I can see the bones in my
back
chest
arms
legs
hands
And even though I'm near my death bed
all I see is a fat girl instead.
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