Let's smile
To hide our pain

Let's smile
Even if it's fake
It will be real in a while

At least, that's what everyone says

But I've been smiling,
For quite a while

Is it working?
I still taste bile

Still, I have to believe
That one day I will be whole
I have to keep going
Until I'm in control

Let's smile

big mess
big miss
emptiness, emptiness

a big mess grows
all the places emptiness goes
can't always have a garden,
a flower garden
a  dancing kiss upon a fountain

two tiny feet standing on the fountain
two tiny feet, light as air
dancing on the fountain
where kiss on the cheek is a little unfair

i last saw you there
in pictures of what must have felt so weightless

could have been a little more gracious
not just some harmful acquaintance

sure as a black hole to fall through
moment i met you
doing nothing for you

king helpless child
my biggest miss
all the ways to my emptiness
emptiness
nowhere to go
i've been to the places emptiness goes
in this big mess that grows and grows

to be honest with you,
i didn't plan on making it this far.

i didn't plan anything at all.

and i'm always baffled by my lack of motivation,
but i forget i've already made my biggest accomplishment by

being here today.

Does your darkness forecast shadows,
A high noon noose hangs from the gallows,
Feel the sharks circling shallow,
Swim fast, I'm bleeding.

Peripheral landscapes drape your gilded chatter,
Purple & pink horizons, summon laughter,
Your eyes blink lightning speed patterns,
My clouds follow, miles per hour.

What in this wide world changes,
Can we live high on mountainsides,
Open our door to the strangers,
Surrender to the ocean tides.


~My palette craves color,
     Your canvas seeks attention,
       My callused fingers are covered,
          When your callous words are mentioned.

Sometimes my vision starts to vibrate
Back and forth,
Like the firmament of reality
Is ripping apart into dreams
And I wonder if one day it'll go
All the way
And I'll just zoom off into some strange bruise of blue
And purple-black
Heart attack

Reading HR on the wall
Thinking how far we have to fall
Feeling the pleasant rush of air
Run across my free cheeks

And I keep blinking,
Thinking that if I just want a little more
Push a little more
Maybe the word will crack open the rains of fortune
And whisk me away like an egg

Grinding my fingers against the tree,
Trying to eat at the bark
Like a little ******
But not so wrong, honestly.

I find more often than not
When I oft retreat into enclosed thought,
Stepping stones across the pond
Of reality,
I dream of something that could never be.

Like a stone,
Crashing into a celestial dome
Only a fraction of an inch
And destroying wholly
All things that called it home.

Clawing deep at wormword
Blood on fingers, blood and hand
To fall ever softly toward the beautiful
******
To some perfect miracle.